“You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.” -Franz Kafka I’m at one of our bi-monthly AWP events. Our first night is one of the most interesting. For many of the widows, it is there…
The Wall
“But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. And I didn’t know if I’d ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.” – Sarah Dessen This quote embodies the day I was notified and the…
Remembering
I was looking for the perfect quotation or saying for a friend going through her hero’s angel-versary and came across this excerpt. May you remember your love in the best of times and worst…and may your lives be enhanced through that action…As the four year mark creeps up on me, remembrance has been one thing to get me through the present.This…
Me
I’m introspective. You can still find me wandering the “Self-Help” aisles at a bookstore to find things to challenge my being and better my soul. Like art, all I took and take from those paperbacks is interpreted differently to me than others…and hell, I’m as flawed as a clearance item at a “Ross” store, so in seeing that each life…or in Ross…
A Real Kiss
I remember the moment like the sound of his heart. We sat facing the glass window panes in between gate 15 and 17. The looming knowledge that in a few passing moments a stranger would come over the intercom to separate us once again led us to focus on anything, but the reality awaiting him and I. The distraction was SkyChef loading food onto a…
Wack
You know what…..The poster has it all right! Loves not wack, even life isn’t (though it has its glimpses). But death, death I’m pretty certain is wack.Death didn’t take Michael out of pain or take him to a better place…he had all of that here, and at 22 ,I’m pretty sure he wanted to live down here with me a tad longer. I don’t think I’ll ever…
I dream of him
I dreamed of him last night. My dreams aren’t too off from the real world. In them I know he is dead. And yet, in this Inception like reality, I still think maybe there is some way his world and mine can merge, if only for a couple of hours in my sleep. In the dream, there was one moment that stood out more than any other.I was walking beside my…
Happy*
My personal growth, as well as dedication to the American Widow Project, has brought me more healing than I could have ever fathomed. I still attend each event hoping to get as much out of it as a widow who RSVPed, and continuously I am not disappointed. This evening though, I received a call that meant so very much to me.I rarely hear or ask what…
Announcement
***I’d like to take a moment out of my life to make this announcement*** I like being me. I like being the wife and widow of a hero. I like the knowledge that I have the best of family, friends and pets.I like the oddities of my being that I’m still being introduced to. I like being introduced to them. I like sunshine through my blinds when I…
When Does Grief End
Hey Y’all, I’m short for words today, but wanted to share a poem I hope will help you as much as it has helped me.When Does Grief End? Grief hits us like a ton of bricks, Flattens us like a steamroller, Hurls us into the depths of despair. We know in a flash when grief hits, But when does it end? Like the month of March, Grief rushes in like a…
Knowledge
Someone once said that it is knowledge sets us free, but as I’ve learned, everyone’s knowledge is different. After Michael died I knew nothing but one thing in life. I could no longer answer questions on why or how things turned out as they did. I could not tell you right from left. As time has passed though, I have embraced the unknown and learned…
Shine A Light
I must admit…I love films. Foreign especially, but anything thought and emotionally provoking will do. What can I say? Michael and I first kissed while watching “American Beauty”, it’s just the kind of couple we are.Tonight I found myself watching “Anna and the King”, a remake of “The King and I”, which I thoroughly enjoyed with the widowhood…