i’m one week away from the day that my gift to madeline becomes something that people will publicly judge, both positively and negatively. some will praise the “story,” some will criticize the writing. some will find something to relate to and others will wonder how the hell i “did it.” i’m ready for all of that, but more than …
march 24th.
i made the decisionto carry on atradition that i startedin 2009…to take mymaddy on a tripfar away from everything, to ensure thatthe focus be onher and herbirthday, rather than the day that follows. i’m happy to say, i succeeded. (i’m one lucky dad).
missing toys.
early last week a couple of maddy’s toys went missing. a zebra stuffed animal and her baby doll. for a few days she asked me where they’d gone. i had no idea.her stuff goes missing all the time, and i usually find it pretty quickly. i’ve searched everywhere for them. they’re not in any of the usual places (i’m convinced they disappeared at…
march.
three years ago, my first march in this house. overwhelmed by circumstances, unaware of what i was in for. liz in her bed at the hospital, madeline still waiting to arrive. the flowers blooming in our yard… grapefruit, lemon and orange blossoms. the yellow flowers on the vine. the jasmine bush and that tree in the back i thought was…
slowing down.
i think a lot about how madeline helped get me through those first horrible days/weeks/months, and almost three years later, she’s still doing it.i’d be nowhere without her, still stuck in the moment that happened the day after she was born. without consciously doing so, she has convinced me of the need to slow down and enjoy the little…
moments like this.
it’s not what any of us (including brooke) would have wished for, but moments like this: give me hope. …
shadows & shoes.
a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.a message to those who came after: it may feel like it sometimes, but none of us want you to feel like you’re walking in someone else’s.
support.
last weekend tom and candee came to los angeles for a short visit. and i watched (in amazement) as they continued their support for the life i’ve made for maddy and me since the death of their daughter…they’re heavily involved with the foundation i started in liz’s name. they excitedly ask about everything that’s happening with my book. and they…
a happy memory
brooke and i took maddy to the santa monica pier for a day of fun. it didn’t start off too well because madeline’s forehead took a direct hit when a pigeon flew over her. (she was calm throughout, and didn’t seem to mind, unlike brooke and me). so why am i bringing this up today? well, because maddy did. last week. on the way to…
34 months.
January 25th. 34 months. it’s been awhile since i felt like this on a 25th.i never forget the day, (never) or what happened all those months ago. (never). but sometimes i i don’t realize it’s the 25th until i’m halfway through the day. but on this 25th, i was feeling it. all day. i don’t know why. … that evening i got to my happiness. my…
another week.
different circumstances, but for the second week in a row i had to face my past. while i discussed my past.from the 10th floor i could see 573 1/2 & 6001. (they’re there in the distance). 5 years in those spots planning for, and working toward a future that only i would see. years earlier, through the windows of 573 1/2 & 6001, i looked…
three days.
out a window. through the branches. a tea room. a restaurant. third street. a short walk from my former home. our former home.for the last three days i’ve stared out that window. through those branches. at all of the places we used to visit. the circumstances that led me to this place, still unbelievable (when i allow myself to think about them).