January 25th.

34 months.

it’s been awhile
since i felt
like this on
a 25th.

i never forget
the day,
(never)
or what happened
all those
months ago.
(never).
but sometimes i
i don’t realize it’s
the 25th until
i’m halfway through
the day.
but on this 25th,
i was feeling it.
all day.
i don’t know why.
…
that evening i
got to
my happiness.
my madeline.
she was excited
to see me.
“daddy! daddy!”
so excited.
and i was happy.
then a woman
walks in.
“mason…your mommy’s here”
said the daycare woman.
maddy looked up
at me.
the bluest of eyes.
(eyes like her mom).
long eyelashes.
(lashes like her mom).
her long, blonde
hair pulled
back in a ponytail,
bangs sweeping across
the right side of

her face.
(just like her mom).
a black cardigan
hanging on her shoulders.
(her mom loved black cardigans).
“i don’t have a mommy.”
…
she was looking at me.
but she was
saying it to everyone.
…
on the way
home we talked again
about her mom.
i told her
the truth.
her reality.
again.
i cried.
she could hear me.
she suggested a song
that she knew
would make me feel better.
the song played.
(her current favorite – “ladies” by lee fields).
i was happy again.
it wasn’t the song…
it was her.
helping me through.
(as always).
knowing when i needed
her to say something
to get me
out of a moment.
(i’m lucky).