Since Tin’s passing, many have said he is with me, many have said he’s moving things in and out of my path to help make things easier and more successful for me. On many occasions, I have found pennies, dimes, seen cardinals, butterflies and got a call or text just at the moment I needed them.
The thing about signs is that they can be convenient if you are really hunting. I’ve had many days where I’m just panic-searching for a whisper in the breeze telling me he’s near. The hard part is that I just don’t know for sure and I just want a sign so distinct that I’m not always chasing insignificant shadows. About two weeks ago, I hit a wall and lost my temper. I had a full unleashing on the universe. I said everything I have been harboring inside about how angry, disappointed and unfair life had been too me. Completely messed up “grand plan” without so much as an explanation or a “sorry I had to put you through that for the greater good”. I declared that having faith in someone who keeps hurting you is an abusive relationship and I am done. I’m too good of a person to be treated this way. I deserve to be happy, healthy and held in love. Enough was enough and through burning tears I demanded:
“If you are really here to help me Tin, I need to see it!”
Everything stayed quite.
This past week had turned out quite wonderful in many of the parts of life I have been feeling lost in. I started to revisit how I yelled at the universe as I opened a drawer that’s been shut for two years. In it there was a jar of charcoal scrub a friend had made and given to Tin. He loved it so I never used it. I was brought immediately back to sitting in the bathroom and talking as he took his bath. I’m not really a bath guy but he had to have one every night. Eucalyptus in the air, a glass of wine and we talked until the bath bubbles faded away. I smiled remembering a 6’3” guy trying to sink in a bathtub and laughed that I just had a talk about how awkward bath tubs can be.
I smiled looking down at the faded label on the jar.
“I guess in many ways you are here touching my world. I hope you are guiding me on this new journey. I hope you are pointing me in the right directions.You know I get nervous.”
I opened the jar to remember the scent of the scene and there pressed into the deep charcoal blend were Tin’s prints. Right there, in that moment, his actual touch. Keep going Bryan…