This morning I woke up and was unexpectedly very teary. I’ve had a great week, I’ve been on holidays, started studying again, enjoyed some really happy moments with family and friend and feel like I’m in a good place. Yet here they were, the sadness and the anger, paying me an unwelcome and un-invited visit. Then I remembered, this coming…
Widowed by Suicide
A Different Experience of Missing Him
I’m interstate at the moment celebrating a dear friend’s 40th birthday. She lives on the other side of the country (I live in Brisbane, Queensland and she lives in Perth, in Western Australia). I’ve been here to visit a number of times now, it’s a great opportunity to have a holiday and see another part of Australia while catching up with my…
What does a Widow Look Like?
Today I met up with a couple of my dear widowed friends who I’m working with on a project to support widowed people. During our discussions, we spoke about how we will need some photographs of widowed people to use in our materials and started brainstorming how we can depict widowedhood – and in particular, a widowed community – with images. …
I Want To Share This With Him
It’s been two-and-a-half years in and the grief can still sneak up and surprise me in ways that I’m not expecting… I recently decided to go back to university and do some further Post Graduate study in my career of public relations. I took a step back when Dan died unexpectedly from depression but a few months ago I started feeling ready to…
Validating my Truth
During the week, I was rushing down a busy street while on my lunch break from work, when I passed a former colleague. He called out to me and we stopped to quickly catch up. I hadn’t seen this man for around three years, since he moved to London for work. As is often the way with old workmates, they plan such an integral role in your…
Good Widowing
I’m feeling quite proud of myself today. I’ve been going through a bit of a tough patch in the past couple of weeks yet despite this, I’ve been riding it well. If there is such a thing as ‘good widowing’ then I think I deserve some kind of gold star. I guess, what I’ve really noticed this past week, is that when the familiar feelings of ‘this…
All I Can Be, For Now
Well, no doubt about it, I’ve had a tough week. Following the birth of my best friend’s baby last weekend, which I assisted with, I knew it was inevitable that an emotional crash would follow such a confronting experience. Having a front row seat for someone else’s transformation into the role of mother was more difficult than I’d feared. …
Witnessing New Life
I’ve mentioned a few times in the past couple of months that my best friend and her husband were having a baby. Well, this morning, at 4:30am, their beautiful baby girl entered the world and I was privileged to be there to help. It was a long, sleepless, emotional and exhausting night and I’m struggling to find the words to explain both what an…
One of Many
Before I lost my husband to depression, I was so unaffected by the word ‘suicide’. The word itself and casual references are everywhere in our society. In the lyrics of popular songs and common terms of phrase; it pops up unexpectedly in movies and tv shows and it features in art work, like Banksy’s ‘suicidal butterflies’. I’m ashamed to…
Setting my Goal for 2016
I’m not really one for New Years resolutions however at the start of every year, I do like to put a lot of thought into setting myself a goal for the coming twelve months. When Dan died from depression in July 2013, leaving me as a young, newly-wedded widow, my focus turned to just surviving. That first five or six months was a blur and when…
Hopefully, in Time
So another Christmas has passed us by, my third without my husband. Initially, I felt like this one was going to be a bit easier than my past two, and I guess in some ways it was. However despite enjoying the festive build-up, the Christmas parties, house-decorating and gift-buying, the heaviness in my heart on Christmas day was unavoidable. A…
A Fear I Can’t Ignore
I’m going to let you in on a little secret… one that I’m not even sure I’ve fully admitted to myself. I’m scared. My best friend is due to have her first baby in less than five weeks and I’m starting to feel absolutely petrified about it. Amidst all the excitement and happiness over the past few months that has surrounded her pregnancy,…