Through the endless baby chat and the parade of adorable presents I was able to fix my smile in place and compartmentalise the pain of my own broken heart but after the last guest left and my house was stripped of giant balloons and garlands of bunting, the break down came.  

I laid on my lounge for an hour, my head in my mum’s lap and she held me while the tears flowed. 

I don’t regret putting myself in that position. My heavily-pregnant friend’s baby joy is confronting but I want to be there for it.  I love her so I am chosing to embrace this part of her life rather than letting myself pull away. I prepare for the low it brings with it and ride the waves as they crash around me.

Today, after a tough week, I’m making a bit of happiness for myself. I’m jumping on a plane with my family (including three ridiculously-excited five-year-old nephews) for a few days in beautiful Fiji.

We booked this trip six months ago when my mum was diagnosed with skin cancer.  Luckily she caught it early enough for it to be treatable but it was another timely reminder that life is fleeting.  Something my family knows well, of course, but is easily forgotten in the day-to-day routine.  

So we’re off to make memories.  If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the swim-up bar drinking a pina colada.  Bula!