I’m here at the 2010 Camp Widow in San Diego and having an amazing time thus far. In the amazing connections I’ve made in such a short time (it’s how we widows work…warp speed), I’ve been recalling something I’ve learned in the 3 years since my baby’s death, but is brought even more to the forefront in an environment such as this, where growth is…
1157
One restless night of blog surfing, I saw someone post the exact number of days since they lost their soul mate. I must admit, I stopped long ago in counting the exact days and months since Michael was killed. Knowing such numbers, especially in the never-ending days in the beginning of my grief, seemed like mental suicide. As much as I’m a…
Broken Heart
Sometimes I wonder how…. I had the Johnny and June idea about our life together. One of us would die and within a couple of months the other would die of a broken heart. Fast forward to almost 3 years later, and that theory has been proven wrong…..Even though there have been many times I’ve begged for it’s brokenness to take over the rest of my…
Friends
For those that really know me, they know how open I am in sharing that a huge percentage of the reason I am still here today, has been due to my friends.Before Michael was killed, my friendships were on a superficial level. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t have long-time friends, but the essence of who I was wasn’t truly understood.The only person…
Embrace
“I don’t understand what’s happened to me?” “It’s huge. You’ve finely embraced the life you hadn’t planned on.” This quote from a movie just keeps echoing in my brain.I’ve noticed that, with quotes and words…they have a way of sticking to the sides of your mind during different parts of our life. Some temporarily to help you get through the day…
Kora
It started with a call from CJ (my brother in law), letting me know that he and Kenzi we’re heading to the hospital to have their baby girl. Rewind to 9 months earlier, it was another dinner and movie night at our home and Kenzi and CJ walked in, stood in the entrance and announced they were pregnant. When the words came out of their mouths, it was…
Aspire
After he was killed, it was so easy to stay down. Barricaded not only in my house but my emotions, thoughts and feelings. I’d torture myself with not looking at the memories as a gift, but more so, a reminder of that which could never be again. Even as the light would creep in through the darkness, I still didn’t allow myself to feel and live the…
Ink
***It was nearly 3 years ago that I got my Memorial tattoo for myself. While reminiscing I found the blog I wrote about the experience less than 6 months after he was killed. Since we sometimes forget where we’ve come from in the midst of the grief, healing, and journey that takes place, I thought I’d share this.10.24.07 Nearly 5 hours after…
His Love…His Gift
Do you know? Know what your love has gotten me through, lifted me above, allowed me to see and my heart to follow?I’m not sure. But one day you will know when I’m back in front of you and able to share the places your love has guided me to, and the people, the amazing people, that reminded me when all else failed, to listen to that voice, that hope…
Memorial Day is Everyday for a Military Widow
This past week I found myself in Washington, D.C. for the National Memorial Day Concert. Accompanied by some of my greatest widow friends, we spent the weekend catching up, visiting fallen loved ones at Section 60, night walks around the monuments, searching of names for our Vietnam widows and more. All in all it was a weekend above all Memorial…
Parenthesis
As noted last weekend, the 21st marked 3 years since my hero’s death, but tradition continues of being around amazing widows leading up to or after the date. This past week we were in Fayetteville, NC for our annual golf tournament for the organization, followed by our annual AWP Skydive!Like all of our events, we have a definite melting pot of…
3
Three… Three whopping years since it happened. Since my soul mate went to the other side and I ventured out in the unfamiliar world called widowhood.The Angel-versary is always a time where I look back on the time that has passed, things that have been conquered, feelings that have been realized, and growth that has taken place. As I drove in my…