…. Sinners. That’s what we tend to sometimes make our dead spouse ….. a saint. It’s a good thing they’re dead. No one could actually live up to those standards. Jim was not a saint. Not by a long shot. But then, neither was/am I. But …… and this is a pretty large “but”….. …… we had almost 27 years to work on our relationship.And we…
Should I Write …..
…. if I Feel “Happy”? Ahhhhh ….. an interesting question, and one I’ve asked myself several times when considering what to write about on this blog. I’ve never come to the conclusion that I should stop writing here ….. but I do sometimes wonder. Especially after comments like those that were written yesterday. Am I, and my grief, less…
Mixed Tears ….
….. were flowing down my face today. The man in my life, V, was holding me. He had spent the day taking care of me after he took me to a hospital bright and early this morning so that I could have a procedure done on my shoulder. I had to be put under so they wanted to make sure that someone would be staying the day with me, to keep any eye on…
One Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventy-nine Days ….
…. since I’ve heard three small words. I heard, or rather, read them yesterday. And I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I’m not stunned that I was sent the words, but am happily surprised. I am stunned at the impact those three words are having on me. I was stunned when I read them and I’m still stunned.This has been, and will continue to be an…
A Look Back
I was looking through some old posts today and this one caught my attention. I wrote it on December 18, 2008. One year after Jim died. I wrote about that year, and how far I/we came in those 365 days. I thought I had come a long way. I had no clue. None. I still had so much further to go. But still …. after reading it today …. that’s what…
Maybe It’s Just The Week ….
…. that is causing so many of us to feel so many more emotions right now? I don’t know. I still don’t know how this grief thing works. Or, more pointedly, how it doesn’t work. All I do know is that it sucks.It sucks that Dan’s “date” was yesterday (I just can’t use the word “anniversary” to describe the annual reminder of such a horrific day). It…
It’s Not My Fault ….
…. that my children became orphans on December 18, 2007. OK, they didn’t literally become orphans. But technically …. they did. They lost both of their parents that day. Yes, I was here in body, but only in body. My body was empty of any resemblance of me. All it held was the cold, black grief that enveloped every part of me …. grief moved…
It Takes a Long Time ….
It takes a long time…. to get from there …. to here. It has taken me almost 4 years to get here. Four years that have seemed like one day …. and forty years …. all at the same time. Six years before Jim died he had an accident on his family’s farm, at Thanksgiving. As an aside, it seems that the big events in his life, and therefore, in…
An Emotional Time ….
…. was had by all. I am at the San Diego airport, waiting for my flight back to Houston. I am spent. I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally. And I know I’m not the only one. But it’s a good exhaustion. And I know I’m the only person who thinks that.Camp Widow 2011 was a huge success. I’m not talking about a “business success”. Yes, it’s…
We Are More ….
…. than the word, “widowed”. So. Much. More. I used to hate that word. In the first two years out. Hated. Abhorred. Refused to use it or answer to it.I’ve come to learn that’s a very common response. The only widows I knew were older. And I in no way wanted to be associated with them. And then I started forming a group of young widows in my…
I’d Like a Freakin’ Break ….
… from life. From life as I know it. From life as I’ve known it for the past 3+ years. I am overwhelmed.In the past month I have replaced 2 air conditioning units, fixed one septic system, been told that tomorrow I will have a hole knocked into my bedroom wall so that a plumbing leak can be addressed. And then had another AC unit break down…
Weirdly Emotional ….
(This is a post I wrote 10 months after Jim died. It still applies.) This is one of those pictures that doesn’t need any words about love. It’s there. OK, let me just warn you upfront. This is going to be a weird post. I’m going to try to explain something that I felt yesterday but I don’t really know how to explain it, and I wonder how…