Have you ever considered where you hold your grief? The heart, obviously…our soul, most certainly, though it isn’t locate-able in our bodies. Our shoulders that are up around our ears. Hands that clench. Our bodies hold our grief. I ask because I’ve become more and more aware that I’m holding a major amount of my grief in my knees,…
With Apologies~
I apologize to all of you for this week’s lack of a blog. I’m sooooo sick.Emotions were high and my immune system is low and all the emotions of my son’s graduation from Basic training for the Air Force,combined with a germ I picked up from my daughter, have laid me low. But I haven’t been able to really pay attention to it until now, as I had to…
Our Dance~
His eyes would catch mine across a crowded room and he would wink at me. It connected us through the energy of all those other people. I loved when he winked at me. We danced everywhere. In the kitchen, in the hallways, in our gardens outside, and on the side of the road in Death Valley. Not in the way that people who really know how to dance…
This HUGE Milestone~
I’ve been back on the road again for the last month and some, traveling from Connecticut, through Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, and here to Texas, where I’ve been for a week.Our youngest son graduates from Basic training with the Air Force this week. He’s been here at Lackland AFB for 8 weeks, going through initial training for a career…
And She Became~
If I were a writer, writing a book about this woman who travels the country in a pink car, towing a tiny pink-trimmed trailer, living the legacy of love left behind by her husband, this is what I would write for this moment in that timeline~And, right then and there, somewhere in the 5th month of the 3rd year of doing this crazy, crazy, Odyssey…
My Compass~
This poem pretty much nails it for me, what it is…this missing-ness. I wonder if this…the feelings conveyed in the poem, ever really go away. Will there be a time when I don’t feel this weight? Will I ever feel joyous again? Will I ever have any sense of who I am again? Because for 24 years I felt these things and I loved who I was. So, I…
Separate and Together~
I’m two people and I don’t know how to resolve that. Or if it can be resolved. Or if it will be resolved.In some ways, this isn’t new to me. I’m a Gemini, after all. Twinsies. Never has that been more apparent than since Chuck’s death. And I know I’m not alone in this feeling of separateness, this another person exists within the self…
this glorious grief~
grieve gloriously you are cracked wide openlisten not to the instructions of others how you must grieve own your relationship and what it now means to bear the physical absence of that one you loved love still in the ethereal world scream cry rend your garments curl into the floor gasp your grief it is yours not theirs grieve gloriously and give…
When~
when will i not hold my breath waiting to hear your voice?will i not wish for time to go in reverse (only a few years, maybe 8) so we could still be together? will i not ache for your lips smiling at me across a crowded room or right next to me as i catch your gaze? when will my body not feel starved for your touch for our two bodies twisting and…
Beyond Imagining~
Sometimes when other women hear that my husband died, their response is oh god I could never live without my husband I don’t know how you do it my husband is my life I just can’t imagine what this is like for you….and such. They’re speaking honestly and truthfully and I’m sure they wish to convey every sort of empathy and sympathy…
two-word lines
you died heart shattered Breathing cut eyes stung pulse raced sweat poured body shook memories pained i drove marriages happened babies birthed life continued hearts wept life awry you died…
Fragments and Words~
Believe it or not, I am sometimes at a loss when it comes to writing my weekly blog. Not because I’ve run out of words but because it’s so hard to find other words to write that I haven’t already used. For me, the longer the time since Chuck’s death, the more intimate it becomes to me. And the more intimate it becomes, the fewer words I…