Last week took me on an exhausting emotional tour. The week before being widowed hits me harder than any single memory or special day. The emotional stress is heightened to such a level that when it starts to subside, I can physically feel the effects – Tired from lack of sleep, disturbed by nightmares, sore eyes from bouts of tears and silent migraines blurring the way forward. I’ve been left sore, battered and bruised again. The week post-widowed the past two years has been time to retreat and recollect myself but this year provided no break from life’s push forward.
This week was full of positive events at the complete opposite end of grief. There was no break, no time to unwind from widowed. Competing waves began crashing into one another, churning up life and my steadfast self-stability. I didn’t know what was going on around me and couldn’t sort the swirling in my heart and head. I looked for direction. I looked for distraction. I looked for relief. I looked for reassurance. I pushed and persevered as much as I could but the storm was strong. I finally gave in and walked right into the rising tide.
This week, the week post widowed, I hurt. My heart hurts, my thoughts hurt and my body hurts. Once again, I have to find the strength to recover, stand back up and restart this journey without you. I just wish you were here to nurse me back to health from this heartbreak hangover…