Widow's Voice

Seasons of Change

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Photo by Pedro Velasco on Unsplash

And just like that, we say goodbye to June and hello to July. What a whirlwind of a month June was. I felt like I was holding on to the bumper of a car moving at 100 miles per hour. It was a month full of milestones, memories, and so so many emotions. Looking back at June, each day felt like a blur. It was as if I was constantly prepping from one thing to the next with no breathing room in between. I found myself unable to answer many calls, texts, or any messages, but noticed how many people still continued to check in and on that last day of June, looking back, I couldn’t have been more thankful. It was an emotional rollercoaster type of month, more so than usual. From all the recitals and shows to the big one, their TK graduation. It hit me so much harder than I expected it to. I found myself not able to get out of the emotional hole I felt I had fallen into. And these low wave of emotions comes and goes, and I’m usually able to get myself out of them pretty quickly, but this time everything that used to make me better or help me did not. I had to sit with those feelings. I had to give myself those cries that I so desperately needed. It was a big change. To leave the school that they started at right after Erik passed, and to now a whole new environment. A new group of people to explain our situation to. A new bundle of worries about how the twins will do in this new setting without their dad, yet also how people will treat them once they know. And a new routine as we start this next adventure together. The feeling of June felt as if I was constantly searching for air, but only being able to breathe half of a breath each time. As June ended, I started to see that light at the end of the tunnel again. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a low for this long, and it felt nice to finally feel a bit of excitement as we head into July and start one of our special months. The month Erik proposed. The month we were supposed to do our Christmas in July vow renewal. And the month I started our family tradition in honor of Erik. Here’s to a more gentle month than the last.

About Diana Mosson

Diana was widowed at 29. Her love story with her husband Erik began in the most unexpected of places, the Long Beach DMV. That day, it felt as though fate had brought them together. Their fairytale romance blessed them with a lifetime of love that would now be expressed through grief.

Saint Patrick’s Day of 2022 became the time stamp of when Diana’s life changed forever. The day that she became a widow and a solo parent to one and a half year old twins. The day that her husband died by suicide. The day that her training in emergency management kicked in as she tried to save her husband’s life. And the day that she learned her husband was suffering in silence.

Diana is sharing her story and experience as she navigates how to overcome this new reality in the hope that it will be someone else’s survival guide one day.