Since the end of the school year here in DC, in the third week of June, our 17-year-old boy had been itching to get out of town on a day trip or road trip, but we had all been way too tired… until now.

Specifically, he wanted to go to Gettysburg, PA, to a tiny but mighty good crêperie we encountered the first time we went there a little more than two years ago. Yep, that Gettysburg, the one with the battle during the Civil War. If you are a history buff, please forgive my glossing over the story. Gettysburg is now a quaint little town loaded with history, wide-open spaces, green fields, rolling hills, and, of course, the battlefield.

So, last Thursday we packed up the dog and everything else and headed northwest, about an hour and a half away, with no set plan other than to hit the crêpes. The rest of the time would be left to chance, which could be great… or not. With teenagers, you never know, but i’m brave like that 🤨.

 

The First Time ❤️‍🩹

The first time we went there was in the thick of winter, in 2024, about a month and a half after my husband died.

It’s all a blur. I can’t even remember how we ended up there. All I remember is that I wanted to get away. Maybe escape my now-unescapable life.

I rented a cabin for the weekend before we were to hold his Celebration of Life. I drove us there with my mom, my son, my daughter, and our doggy child. We sat on the deck one morning while it snowed, our then-10-year-old girl dancing in the snow.

Me? Still numb. Destroyed. Enraged. Heartbroken.

We Googled places for breakfast and ended up at this crêpe place that was a huge hit with the family. We went to a museum to learn about the Battle of Gettysburg. Drove around. Shopped at cute little stores. All the things mi amor and I loved doing together. Later we had dinner at the restaurant by our cabin. There was a wedding party drinking and celebrating merrily. “Congratulations!” I said with a big smile when I crossed paths with the happy bride.

How ironic, I thought. How cruel that life keeps going when ours felt like it had ended.

And then we headed back to our lives, to try to put the pieces of a decimated life back together.

This Time

Last Thursday was the beginning of a heat wave. Temperatures were over 100 degrees 🥵. The town was buzzing with visitors for the July 4th weekend.

I’m not sure if it’s just the crêpes, though don’t get me wrong, they are really good, and pretty much anything they make is amazing. But as I was driving us there last week, I thought, Why does he, our son, want to come here?

This place, as beautiful as it is, holds a lot of trauma for me, and I always try to make the best of the visit.

As we were driving into town, I started pointing out the places we had seen or visited before. We passed the huge battlefield and decided to spend more time visiting and driving through it on our way out.

That night, for dinner, I suggested a few places. I found one with five stars, and although our daughter wasn’t too thrilled about it, we headed that way. As we got closer, the drive started to feel familiar.

When I turned into the entrance, I was floored.

“OMG, guys! This is the place we stayed at in the cabins, remember? This is the restaurant! There was a couple celebrating their wedding here, remember?”

I was very much takenaback by the coincidence. I didn’t, and still don’t, know what to make of it.

The Silver Lining

That night I was really happy they had Lemon Drop Martinis 🍸.

The next day… did I mention we were in a heat wave?

Well, some of us can handle the heat better than others, and after a few failed attempts at having family fun, (note to self: hangry teenagers and heat waves don’t mix well) we finally got on the same page, enjoyed our crêpes for breakfast, and then headed out to the battlefield.

As I was driving through that beautiful, sacred space, it hit me.

Our lives have been a battlefield sincethe moment my husband said he wasn’t feeling well and went to the ER, where they discovered the brain tumor.

And it has been relentless ever since.

So many casualties of war.

So much time spent crafting strategies of attack for an ever-changing enemy.

We’ve had wins, yes, but man! The loses feel so overpowering.

And I think just this week, I have finally started to make peace with the fact that our battle is definitely not over yet.

 

Hasta la próxima! Until next time  Peace.