When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly. But what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
As Promised… Question #19
When did you clean out your husband’s closet? (For our new readers: Over the past several years I have interviewed many widows about their day-to-day life after the loss of their husbands. I asked all of the women I spoke to the same fifty questions, all practical inquiries about everyday life. Many readers have asked me to share my answers to…
My Inner Voice
Decision making has never been difficult for me. If asked to choose between one thing and another I pick one, and stick with my decision. When facing a challenging task I determine a course of action and get moving. When a problem appears unsolvable…I go for a run, and nine times out of ten come back with an answer. And then came widowhood. One…
Celebrating Moms
Sports practices, music lessons, school meetings, homework, school projects, dinner every night, getting multiple children to different locations at the same start time, crying for daddy, asking where he went, consoling, advising, figuring out what the best solution to the problem is when you only have one opinion to consider….any of this sound…
Whose Life Is This?
The last couple of weeks have consisted of a whirlwind of new experiences, new people, new opportunities, and new challenges. Generally, I drop into bed exhausted and with little time to reflect due to my constant need to plan for the next day…not a new problem for me. When I do stop to look at the path my life has taken over the last 44 months,…
Innocence and Storytelling
This is my four year-old nephew Ethan posing with his beloved cousin Caitlin. Yesterday we celebrated several family events with a day at the park. In a quiet moment Ethan and I had a conversation that went like this…. E: Auntie Neechelle, where is your husband? M: Well E, my husband was your Uncle Phil and he died when you were just a baby.
Unimaginable
My life path has never included poverty. Or prejudice. Or destitution. Or the feeling that my current life position was all I could ever expect. Overall, I have been greatly blessed. I live in a country where widows are able to inherit, own property, pursue a career, and manage their own affairs. Though prior to my introduction to the global state…
My Favorite Trail
Long Canyon Trail, in my hometown of Simi Valley, is one of my favorite places. This beautiful dirt road has been pounded by my feet on many a run. It is also the place where Phil and I most often rode our mountain bikes, went for evening runs, took the kids for night hikes looking for frogs, and did many a “double workout” on the steep hills that…
My Wedding Ring
I confess… I am an American Idol fan. I know, I know, but I love the show. So, for those of you who don’t watch, this year in the finals there is a young widower named Danny Goeke. As the season has progressed I have watched Danny with interest as he grows as an artist, and I can sometimes imagine that I see him processing his grief.In the early…
What My Kids Have Taught Me
There is not much I wouldn’t do for my three kids. You know, jump in front of an on-coming train to save their lives, feed them first from my last ration of bread, offer myself as a meal for the hungry bear that is chasing them…pretty much anything. In the normal course of life moms feed, bathe, clothe, soothe, encourage, celebrate, hold, hug,…
Happy Easter?
Wishing someone a good day or a nice holiday weekend seems innocuous enough most of the time…but as a new widow well meant wishes from family, friends or strangers struck me like arrows. How exactly am I supposed to have a good day? Why do I care about this holiday? Have you forgotten for a moment that my husband is dead? Some days I could accept…
Pennies from Heaven
Years ago I was walking with a friend and we came upon a dime lying on the ground. Seeming disappointed, she stooped to pick up the coin saying she thought it was a penny. When I asked why she wanted a penny, she looked up at me and said, “Don’t you know the story of pennies from heaven?” After I told her that I’d heard the phrase, but didn’t know…