I had one of those conversations with a stranger. You know, the one that starts with “so how long have you been divorced?” This one ended up lasting a bit longer than usual, despite my lob of the usually effective conversation stopper: “I’m not divorced, I’m a widow, my husband died 5 years ago.” Instead, this person wanted the details – she was…
The Importance of Being Frank
It’s funny how life changes you. I’m sure part of it is just age, but I know lots of people my age who haven’t “turned out” the way I have. What I wonder is: am I really different now, or am I really just getting to know myself?I think my experience of widowhood has made me less tolerant of bullshit. I know it has. Life is too short to beat around…
Rose Colored Glasses?
What do you see when you look at this picture? I see love, fun, teamwork, happiness. A couple of years ago this picture, as happy as it is, would have made me sad. I would have seen sadness, loss, something missing. Unexpectedly, I am finally able to see what is there instead of always focusing on what or who is not. It’s huge. It also happened…
Better Start Living Right Now
It’s a musical Tuesday. I’ve listened to this song countless times, but today, after a very hectic day at work, the words were almost hammering themselves into my brain – in a good way 🙂 Sometimes a reminder of what’s important and how quickly it all passes is a good thing. Trying to slow down, and stop to smell the roses (and sip a glass of…
Special Cargo – Handle with Care
Like it was yesterday, I remember the night Daniel died and the drive home from the hospital. The drive home to G, who was innocently sleeping, still unaware that life as he knew it had radically altered. I remember talking myself through telling him what had happened. I remember feeling so sick to my stomach and so anxious. I knew that the next…
The Occasional Landmine
So I did a little beginning of the new year organizing: cleaning out old files, sending things to Goodwill. I opened a box I apparently hadn’t opened since it had been packed in 2007. The box contained some of Daniel’s books, all of the condolence cards I received after the funeral, and his LiveStrong notebook. The books were mostly financial in…
Waves for the Little Ones
One night last week G and I snuggled up on the couch for a little mid-holiday chaos downtime. We scrolled through the on-demand movie selections and settled on Nanny McPhee Returns. The original movie was really cute so we were looking forward to it.The setting of this movie is WWII England. The story consists of a mom and three kids struggling to…
Happy Different New Year
It happened. I actually made it through a holiday without being bitter. Now let me be clear, it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel sad or have the streaming video of memories run through my brain at different times, but it wasn’t bitter. For the first time in 6 holiday seasons, I didn’t have flashes of envy and moments of evil thoughts towards families and…
Wrapped in the Warmth
The holiday season is on me – not upon me, but really ON me – like a rash…I’m totally covered up. 😉 I’m not complaining, it is the fun things that are burying me, too many parties, too many friends, too much love. Clearly you can never have too many friends or too much love. My cup is Niagara Falls.This year is a different one from the previous…
Heavenly Day
Musical Tuesday: feeling great today, this is one of those songs that expresses it perfectly.       Heavenly Day – Patty Griffin  Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away Got no trouble today with anyone  The smile on your face I live only to see It’s enough for me, baby, it’s enough for me Oh heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly…
The Small Stuff
Recently I reviewed the results of a personality assessment I took at work. It evaluated you on four criteria: dominance, extroversion, patience, and conformity. I’m high in three in and low in one…guess which? 😉 I would have bet I was high in two and low in two, oddly enough I’m not as low on patience as I thought.It would be interesting to…
I’m different
It’s been 5 years. In that 5 years I’ve changed in so many ways. I’m still the same old me, but different. Daniel didn’t know this me. The one that survived his loss, the one that has been raising our child by myself. The one that bears the burden of making it all happen, all day, every day.You’d think it would make me more serious, all of this…