In the before moments As you hold tight while trying to let go Waiting for that last breath Dreading that last breath Holding your breath waiting for that last breath Gasping in your breath as he exhales his last breath Long Live LoveAs you sit and stand and pace and stare Wondering at this new world of without With only your breath in it Where…
Yeah, I’m Good With it~
But don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you owe it to your kids to remember you as happy? Life is supposed to be happy. Maybe you’re depressed. Don’t you want to be happy? You’ve heard the same questions and comments. I know you have. Because you’re a widow/er just like me and you are surrounded by similar people. Or, if you’re public…
Never Have I Ever~
How about…let’s play a possibly desperate game of Never Have I Ever… Or, conversely, Never Did I Ever… Never have I ever… Felt this level of loneliness and aloneness, no matter where I am, whether I’m surrounded by others, no matter what I’m doing.Never did I ever… Imagine that I would ever, could ever, live without you for 4 years…
Triangles and Shapes and Pillows~
My fingers lightly grazed your arm, Hairs tickling sensitive tips They slid along your shoulders, Feeling their breadth and strength. My hips tucked themselves into yours, As we slept. Your arm curled behind your back To pull me more snugly into you. Our bodies tucked and curved into one another, one passion filled night after another. Toes…
Simple Words, Again.
I don’t really have any words this week. I miss my husband more than any words can convey. The more time passes, the more months go by, the more deeply embedded his absence from my life becomes. If I were to write a full blog this week, it would consist of I miss you, I miss you, I miss you over and over and…
You will totally get this…
Alison sent me the following message about her blog post for today. I knew you’d all so get her frustration, so I’ve decided to post what she sent me, and send her some words of understanding and encouragement for when her computer is working once again. We love you, Alison!Hi Michele,I can’t write my blog tonight. I think my laptop has a virus or…
Two Buckets~
What I knew instinctively as soon as Chuck died, and what I knew I had to immediately institute with myself and my body language, my behavior, my thinking. Even though my brain was fogged with devastation. Grief is isolating. Do every damn thing you can so that you can’t, you don’t, isolate. Whether you want to or not. Don’t isolate. …
On the Road Life and Loneliness~
Do you get lonely out on the road? That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love. The simple and quick answer is yes. It’s incredibly lonely. It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe. Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image…
After Death Shockers~
I guess one of the most shocking aspects following Chuck’s death was the necessity to let go of relationships that had always seemed strong and secure. Or, if not strong and secure, at least managed. Family relationships, right? Seriously. It was brought home to me that a relationship that I’d thought was okay, and fairly honest, was toxic…
Grace~
This picture expresses it all for me. Where I am in this widowed life. It was taken 3 years ago, but even then, without knowing….I was determined. Determined that Love must be bigger than the devastation. Determined that if I knew nothing else, if I remembered nothing else, I would know…
A Widow Summer~
How did I widow this summer? I was…I still am, til the middle of August…working at an opera camp in the Ozarks. Students come from around the world to perfect their art. Orchestra comes from around the world to play for the students when they present their operas. Staff brings their talents/gifts to teach and guide the students. Carmen. …
Dusky Nights into Morning~
I am without him. I say this without pity. It’s more of a sense, even these 4 years later, of disbelief. It’s still surreal. Sometimes I imagine him as a hologram, striding towards me…Nights are for sleep but they are also when my mind opens up as my body strives to relax past the exhaustion of a day spent being present and open to life.