Tis’ the season for all the things that remind us of what we have and what we have lost. This year, for me, there has been more loss and it’s much harder to shake that feeling as those around me put up lights, throw holiday parties and decorate. I can’t put up a Christmas tree. I can’t decorate. I wrapped one present and I just can’t. So I don’t and I tell myself that there is nothing wrong with skipping the traditions this year. With everything added up, I’ve earned a hall pass to the holiday blizzard we all experience every year. However, there is one thing I can’t control….The mail.
It’s obviously not a competition but Clayton and I are even for the number of Holiday Cards we have received. Of course his are random retailers and old accounts wishing “Happy Holidays” to someone who has passed away but, none the less, he is getting holiday wishes. Yet he’s actually in first place because all of his friends that used to send us Christmas Cards have skipped me over. The year I could use more wishes for a happy holiday is ironically the year I have received the least. Maybe they don’t want to send me something because it might upset me? Maybe when he passed away I fell out of thought. My all time greatest fear – Out of sight is out of mind.
I wish nothing more than to have Clayton back. In many ways he is still with me but the holiday reminders are haunting…
