After Valentine’s Day
I made it through another valentines day — so well, in fact, that I forgot it was Wednesday and I’m just writing this!
Writing to you is always easier than writing to others, so here we are, my love, conversing online on the day after Valentine’s Day.
Through the lens of math symbols, I’ll summarize the last 24-hours.
The plus/minus sign works well in this summary. The day was not traumatizing [ + ] and I was surprised by flowers from Denise at 7:00am [ +++++ ]; Facebook was not daunting [ + ]; I planned in advance, so I had no decisions to make [ + ] a-a-a-n-n-n-d-d-d . . .
… you’re still gone … [ – ] [ – ] [ – ] [ – ] [ – ] [ – ]
(note to self….keep going!) The weather was cold, but not rainy [ + ]; I had fun with fellow widows at dinner and a movie [ + ], which kind of multiplied the love [ x7 ] even though we would all trade every last one of us for our person. I would 100% trade them all in for you. 🙁
Facebook allowed me to share one of my favorite photos of you…from a post a few years ago wishing everyone a Happy V-Day–an image that always makes me miss you more since it takes me back to the pure joy we were feeling in the photo. [ + / – ]
The movie was about Tom Brady and four women (aged mostly 80 years old) who were huge football fans, which is sort of neutral for me, except the cast was excellent. In the movie there were widow and widower moments….an homage to reality. [ + ] [ – ] [ + ]
In my secret mind, throughout the night, this image crept through.
Love you so much, Babe.
Life is this. It’s good and bad; it’s trouble and frolic; it’s beginnings and endings; it’s dark and light; it’s hello’s and goodbye’s; it’s striving and resting; it’s busy and bored; it’s right and wrong; it’s fair and terribly unfair; it’s clear and mucky; it’s mystery upon mystery upon mystery always.
I’m not going to say “goodbye” or “till I see you again” because I believe you are still with me every day. Sometimes I notice (and say thank you) and other times I call you forth when the absence feels too much.
So many memories bring you forth …
Last night, when I returned home where I previously stashed a hot water bottle between my sheets, I climbed into a warm bed and said, “I love you, Dan. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Thank you, for loving me for a lifetime.