I was going to start with an introduction post as my first post, but I think you’ll get to know me in time. Plus, I don’t think I can write a full-on intro post without it feeling like I’m writing another eulogy, so here goes something different.

I have never been a self-help, New Year’s resolution, mission statement kind of gal. However, there’s a mantra I’ve been saying to myself since I lost my adoring, outgoing, life of the party husband, Tony, to a secret battle with mental health on April 20^th, 2021.

I tell myself this so much, I’m working on a tattoo design. Here it is:

Be Brave. Stay Strong. Love Hard.

Be Brave.

So many things require me to Be Brave.

I tell my story and I keep showing up in the world, even though I secretly wonder if anyone is still whispering about us.

This has required some very big and hard conversations with my 3 boys.

Letting my friends, family and children see me cry.

I also forgave my husband; I know he must have been hurting so much to have completed his life and I would give up so much to go back in time and help him. Since I have yet to find a hot tub time machine, the best and bravest thing I can do for us is to forgive him.

Stay Strong.

While I am brave and let myself cry, sometimes I decide to Stay Strong.

When the first of my kids had a birthday after the passing of Dad, I was not prepared for the emotional onslaught singing happy birthday would bring. The internal struggle was deep, I felt gutted with a giant lump in my throat but as I looked at his sweet smiling face, I swallowed that pain for the moment and sung my little dude happy birthday.

I get up every day and make sure that nothing else in our lives is disrupted. We have a giant hole without Tony, but I am fortunate enough that nothing else had to change.

I was strong when I made the decision to take ourselves to Disney for our first Christmas without Dad. Trying to build good memories into this year of so many hard firsts.

Love Hard.

This is the big one all widows know too well. Life is short so we better love the crud out of everyone.

I don’t think I knew how much I loved Tony until he was gone.

Or maybe I feel like I didn’t appreciate all that we were together until I was left standing alone. I didn’t know time was so short.

Or what if we just don’t know the depths of our love for each other until we grieve them.

Doesn’t really matter now, except that I want every person I love to know how much I love them. From now on, everyone is getting Loved Hard.

I have no idea how long it will be until I find a new life partner, but I will. That person will get the best love from me, and we will have Tony to thank for that.

So, I will just keep at this life and try and make the best of it. Whether I’m having a moment crying on the floor, singing happy birthday, or giving away a piece of my heart. Eventually, I may even have a tattoo to show for it.

I never expected to be here so soon but here I am and here you are. Thanks for letting me share my words with you.

Be Brave. Stay Strong. Love Hard.