I’ve been feeling … odd … out of sorts … can’t really put my finger on it.
Maybe it’s a result of passing the one-year milestone and entering the dreaded year 2. Perhaps it’s that knee/leg thing that continues to hurt. Or because I have to board Sheila in a couple of weeks. Could be my son moving to Canada. How about the approaching holiday season. Or just that ol’ getting old thing and who or what will I become as time goes by.
For 1 minute, don’t improve your experience.
Just feel it.
Soften your resistance.
And say, “Right now, it’s like this.”
Not forever.
Just now.
Be.
Cory Muscara
What comes next? I don’t know. But for now, I will try to just BE and see where it leads.
***
It’s been a pretty quiet week here in the desert. Did I use that time wisely?
Well, not really.
But I did make some progress in organizing all of Jim’s stuff I had moved into the garage. Dividing it up into boxes for each charity I think will accept the specific types of things. It’s still hard to do this, but I know it needs to be done. I’ve learned that his kids don’t want any of their parents’ stuff so since I already had it out there for them to see, it would make no sense for me to put it all back in the house.
And I’m working on getting my NOKbox (Next of Kin) information completed. I think I’ll feel much better once that is done and I know Jeremy will have everything he needs when I pass. All of that paperwork and searching for information you need to change accounts, etc. is HARD. So that box will have it all. Passwords. Entry codes. Account numbers.
I’m not happy to have to board Sheila but I do know she’ll be fine and I really do want to go to this very special wedding. Jeremy was going to watch her, but they had to move up their departure date so they won’t be here that weekend. And I had a friend who was going to come out and stay with her but that fell through. So I found a brand new boarder near Jeremy’s house and the airport that will be convenient. They required an ‘interview’ with Sheila to be sure she would fit in with their program and we passed that yesterday. Next is a 2-hour play date to see how well she’ll do for a longer period with all of the other dogs. Sheila loves people more than dogs, but I have no doubt she’ll do ok. And I will love the greeting she’ll give me when I pick her up.
The old Dianne before I met Jim would definitely not understand why I’m having such an issue with boarding Sheila. She’s a dog. They adapt. But, no, Sheila is so much more than that. She’s been special to me since day one, but she became my lifeline the moment Jim died. She comforted me. She was always there. She never let me down. Those eyes that reach deep into my soul. She’s my spirit animal. And we’re now growing old together.
