Three big names died this week. All from cancer. Actor Alan Rickman. Singer / songwriter David Bowie. And today, Celine Dion’s husband and manager, Rene Angelil. At the same time, my own family has been dealing with my mom’s recent cancer diagnosis back in late November, and the lead-up to her surgery, which was this past Tuesday. So many…
Without You
So last week, I completely forgot to write my Widows Voice blog. Just completely forgot. And I didn’t forget that night and then remember the next morning, which I have done MANY times, and then the blog post is a bit late being posted, like today. No. This time I just forgot altogether. I call it “Widow Fail.” Actually, I think it deserves a…
Keep Them Alive at Christmas
As I sit down at my parents house in Massachusetts to write this blog, about 15 minutes before midnight, it is Christmas Eve. By the time many of you read this, it will be Christmas Day. I find it fitting that Christmas Day would fall on a Friday this year, therefore making it my day to write in the Widows Voice blog. Christmas Day, and the entire…
You Find What Works
So, today, December 18th, is the 10 year anniversary of my husband Don asking me to marry him, on a 23 degree windy Sunday evening, exactly one week before Christmas. Knowing my obsession with the Christmas holiday and the the entire season, he took me to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, got down on one knee in front of hundreds of total…
At the End of the Day
I feel like I have covered this grief topic in writing at least 10,000 times since my husband’s death. I also feel like no matter how many times I express it, there really is no way to ever properly express what this is. This, being the loneliness and longing that comes at the end of the day, in that space where my husband’s life used to…
Nobody Else Can Die
I got some news last night that I did not want to hear. A phone call from someone in my family, letting me know they were diagnosed with something. Honestly, I don’t mean to be so vague and mysterious, but I feel the need to write about this because that is how I cope, and because I cant really think about much else right now except THIS. At the…
Thanksgiving Blues
I had a good day today. It was a nice day that I was lucky enough to spend with really good, really dear friends. My own family is 4 hours away in another state, so getting to them over Thanksgiving isnt usually possible, due to the short time off I have from work. So, for the past few years, it has become almost a new tradition for me to spend…
Echo
There is a lot of anxiety in my life lately. Things are happening in the world. Frightening things. Scary things. School shootings, ISIS, bombings, possible war, so much unrest and just crazy terrifying stuff. I have found myself tied up in knots a lot of days over these things, or sometimes unable to let go of anger and rage at these things or at…
Falling
I feel like I’m falling. It’s been a weird couple of weeks. Most of you who read this know that Im a comedian, writer, actor. I have a YouTube channel and I do lots of silly, funny, comedy videos. One of those videos that I did back in 2010 is called “Oh! I’ve McFallen!” and it features me trying to order the McLobster at McDonalds (something…
Not 51
Today, my dear and sweet husband, you are not 51. Today is your birthday. You are not here. You cant eat cake or blow out candles or makes jokes about getting older and how time flies. You can’t go and see the new “Peanuts” movie with me, our favorite, which comes out today, on your birthday. We can’t joke around about how you will always…
Backward is Forward
So Tuesday was my wedding anniversary. It would have been 9 years married this October 27th, but of course, we were right smack in the middle of year 4 in our marriage, when my beautiful husband suddenly dropped dead. The reality of this event – someone being there one second, and then the next second, not – has become more and more baffling to me…
Disappearing
I’m in a state of panic. This happens now and again – one of the frightening realities of sudden and shocking death. Sometimes a few weeks or months will go by with me able to escape the panic and anxiety. Then, just like that, something happens – or doesn’t – and I am shaking back and forth and my skin is on fire and I’m pacing the floors of my…