After a long day at work yesterday, teaching Theatre and Comedy courses at the University I work at and have worked at for 15 years, I came home to find out about the awful, horrific shooting at Oregon’s Umpqua College. I had sat down and put my TV on in order to feel relaxed after a tiring day, and instead, I found myself feeling once again…
Not Growing Old Together
Something I say to my grief-therapist often lately, is that I feel like I’m generally doing “okay”, as long as I don’t think about the future, or let my mind wander there. I feel okay or sometimes even good, as long as I can stay in the present. Do you know what she said back to me? She said: “So stay in the present.” Oh, okay then. Guess I’m done…
You’re Missing It
Tonight I went out into NYC to hang with some friends in the comedy world, and to see my dear friend and legendary comedian Elayne Boosler host a live TV taping of a stand-up comedy show called “Gotham Live” on AXIS TV. She got me into the show along with a few others as her guest, and there was an after-party downstairs at the club following the…
Defining Family
If you had asked me to define the word “family” just over 4 years ago, I probably would have said that my family is my husband. He is my family. And then my parents and my brother, and then my cousins and aunts and uncles and other relatives that we saw on holidays, or some of them several times a year at gatherings and parties. Maybe I would have…
50 Reasons to Love Don Shepherd
I could not think of one single thing to write about today. Not one single thing. not because I am suddenly healed and “all better” from my loss, since we know there is no such thing as that. But just because. Im exhausted. Im tired of writing. My brain is fried beyond belief, and I just could not conjure up even ONE thought to post in here today.
What A Man Is
I am a strong and fiercely independent woman. I always have been. When I was 18 years old, in 1990, I left my comfy small town of Groton, Massachusetts, to attend college and live in NYC. I wanted to be a performer, actor, comedian, writer, or anything that got me out of that boring and predictable suburban life. I wanted more. So I went out on my…
Seeing in Color
Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I love the fall so much, and it is always much too short and goes away much too fast. But for so many reasons, the fall is just filled with awesomeness and beauty for me. It’s why I chose to get married in October. My birthday is in late September, and then my husband’s birthday follows in November.
Food, My Old Friend
Well it’s been just over 4 years since my husband’s sudden and awful death, and today, I am still grieving. I am grieving food. I am grieving and mourning potato skins, mashed potato with gravy, french fries, home fries, potatoes au gratin, baked potato with sour cream and bacon and cheese … shall I go on? There are so many things one can do…
Happy for You, In Pain for Me
If there is one thing I have learned in the 4 years of being widowed, it is this: Pain and joy can and do exist in the same breath. Excruciating sadness and ecstatic happiness can be felt in the same exact moment. Inhale joy, exhale pain. That’s just how it works when you’ve lost your whole world in 2 seconds flat. Nothing is simple anymore.
Maybe
Last night, I had tickets for “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.” They took a long time to get, like months and months and months, and it finally happened. I was finally there in the audience. I have lived in NYC for two decades now, so I have been to tapings of quite a few shows over the years. David Letterman, Saturday Night Live, and others.
Dying
So this past Monday, July 13th, was the 4 year “anniversary” of my husband’s sudden death. (I’m putting that word in quotes because I don’t like that word to describe the day someone died. It makes it sound like a great big party or something to celebrate.) My once a month session with my grief counselor happened to fall on that day, so I decided…
Pinata
I am a word-nerd. I love words and poetry, and similes and metaphors and illiteration, and sometimes the way that somebody words something or the way they write something, can change everything for me. It can make me see things in a whole new way, or bring to me to a deeper level of understanding about something that I never would have had…