There is a question that I hear asked within the widowed community, over and over again, time after time, on an endless loop. Widowed people, for whatever reason, seem to like asking one another this question, and seem to enjoy dissecting the meaning of the various answers to the question, when asking another fellow widowed person. The question…
Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass
Beyond the missing of you ….. Beyond the not having my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my all-things-in-life go-to person …… Beyond not having our future to look forward to, or our today to live ….. Beyond all of that, and above and in addition to all of that …. Quite Frankly …….. and let me be blunt …. Your death is a…
That Other Life
Does it ever stop? Does it ever really go away? That feeling. That longing, that comes out of nowhere. That thing where you are inside of a moment, even enjoying it and loving it, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, that feeling, like you’ve swallowed a nail, just enters your stomach, like an invasion. Suddenly, while…
The Agony of Defeat
Lately, I feel as if there are no more words left in the universe to properly describe how I feel. The words and phrases just don’t exist, or I’ve already described them multiple times, or I’m tired of describing them, or it’s repetitive and nobody wants to hear about it anymore anyway, or it’s just incredibly exhausting to constantly try and…
We Can Do Better
This past Wednesday, July 13th, was the 5-year anniversary of my husband’s sudden death. Beginning on the first year anniversary, back in 2012, I started a campaign called “Pay it Forward for Don Shepherd.” I have run and organized this campaign / project on July 13th, every single year since he died. So, this is the 5th year of doing the…
Fight Hate With Love
Orlando. Dallas. Alton Sterling. Philando Castile. So many others. So many lives. So much violence. So much racism. So much hate. Not enough listening. Not enough hearing. Not enough empathy. The words that follow here will not be ‘political” in nature, though I will be sharing my political opinions a bit. Despite this, I choose to see…
The Tsunami of July
We all have one. Well, those of us who are widowed people. And most likely, anyone who has lost someone they love dearly, to death. However, since I am a widowed person, I can only speak from the widowed lense, and I can tell you with 1000% accuracy, that we all have one. For me, it’s July. We all have our month on the calendar. That month that…
I Am Not What I Feel
A few days ago, I returned from Camp Widow San Diego, where I attended and gave my 10th comedic presentation. Since 2013, I have been a presenter at Camp Widow in all three locations; Tampa, San Diego, and Toronto. Last weekend was my 10th time standing in front of over a hundred widowed people, and hearing them laugh. It is truly one of my…
Paper Bag
No idea what I want to say today. I am feeling so restless. Right this minute, this week, this year. In life. I have always been someone who knows what I want. Someone with specific goals and dreams, and a certain and roundabout way of getting there. I have always had a vision. Lately though, I’m having a lot of trouble seeing things.
Things That Never Were
Last night I had a beautiful dream. We, my husband Don and I, were at my brother’ house in Massachusetts. My parents were there too, and my brother and his wife Jen were outside jumping on their brand new trampoline with their two kids, Brian and Jillian, and our daughter, Isabella. Jillian and Isabella were laughing as they were being twirled…
A Light In the Dark – My Tribute to Soaring Spirits International
“Eight years ago today, Soaring Spirits was founded. The idea for this organization was written on a napkin.Personal experience inspired each of our founding board members to agree to serve. We felt sure that hope mattered, that access to hope could change the lives of widowed men and women.Together we set about creating a space built for…
Everything’s The Same
This week, I am staying in Massachusetts at my parent’s house, I haven’t been here since December, when I was here for an entire month to help my mom through her cancer surgery / hysterectomy recovery (she is totally fine and clear now), so it’s been almost 5 months since I have seen my family. Since I was born and raised in small town…