“The ocean is blue poetry written in a language
the soul somehow understands.”
Anonymous
I am so very happy I decided to schedule this important week at the ocean. And I was wise to break up my drive into two days – and grateful my car held up through that especially hot drive through the desert to Barstow. 117 degrees!! I think I could have done the full five hours, but the loading up of the car and then the unloading once I got to the cottage would have done me in. I brought too much stuff. I always do. You’d think I’d learn, wouldn’t you? Next time for sure (wink). But I was concerned when I got the ‘dog rules’ just two days before we were to arrive that I can’t leave her alone in the cottage … so I packed enough food for a couple of weeks (LOL). I’ve seen a few unhomed people in my treks around the beach and think I’ll try handing off some of the extra food I have to them before I leave. Good for them and good for me to not have as much to load back in the car. We’re here until Friday morning and then it’s back to the desert. Haven’t yet decided if I might try doing the full drive back. Will see how I feel that day.
This is my third full day at the beach and it is definitely where I need to be this week. I’m sleeping better. I feel better. Sheila and I are doing a lot of walking along The Strand and on the rocks and the sand. She does not like those waves after they caught her unexpectedly so she keeps a keen eye on how far they come up so she can scramble back to the safety of the rocks.
The windows of my little cottage look right out onto the ocean and I can hear the waves 24/7. Makes it easy to just settle in and feel whatever I am feeling. I spent some time reading through Vern’s CaringBridge blog that covered those years from diagnosis to his passing. I read it at least once a year, but was disappointed to see that all of the comments have now disappeared. That’s a shame. Comments from our friends really kept me going during those hard years. Vern went through so much but I truly believe he would not have lived as long as he did after that initial cancer diagnosis if I hadn’t been there as his advocate. So many almost miss-steps with all of the different specialists only being concerned with ‘their’ part of the problem, along with running across a few medical people who really should have chosen a different profession. But mixed in with that, we had several gems that I am truly grateful for. I think the thing that concerns me most with being alone now is what will happen if I get sick. Who will be my advocate? I think I’ll follow Scarlett and ‘think about that tomorrow’.
To honor what would have been my 57th wedding anniversary with Vern on Sunday, Sheila and I drove down to Crystal Pier. It was a pretty easy drive traffic-wise since it was early on a Sunday morning. But it was super busy at the beach – and parking … well that was a real challenge. I nearly gave up but decided to see if there was parking available at a store a few blocks from the beach. Found a CVS and paid $15/hour for parking.
Vern and I stayed at Crystal Pier in 2007 (thanks to the generosity of my work friends giving me their reservation) and we returned the next year. That first visit was wonderful … kind of a celebration that he (we) had survived that first really hard year with the cancer diagnosis and all of the crises, near death experiences, hospitalizations and rehabs. The 5 hour ride and getting him into the cottage was hard but once he was able to get settled on that deck right over the ocean, it was all worth it. We had planned to go again the third year, but his kidneys failed and he started dialysis and just wasn’t strong enough to manage it. Paying a visit on our anniversary to a place that we had shared felt really good. I could see him contentedly sitting on that deck basking in the sun.
I’m writing this blog post on Monday, an off-and-on cloudy day so far, but Sheila is enjoying watching the cars, people and dogs cruising along The Strand. We did a good walk first thing this morning and headed out again around noon. No excuses for not walking here – like there is at home in Nevada with the 100+ temperatures and way too hot pavement for puppy paws.
I’ve found some heart rocks and feathers along our walks and they always bring a smile. Hearts have been my message from Vern since the day he died and I found an unexpected feather outside our door after Jim died, so that’s been my message from Jim. I’ve found a few of each as Sheila and I walk the beach each day.
Tuesday brings what would have been my fifth wedding anniversary with Jim (we lived together three years before deciding to make it legal). Going to head over to the Oceanside Harbor that day. Jim and I enjoyed a fabulous three weeks in Okinawa our first year together that included lots of visits to various harbors and waterfront places so this sounded like the place to spend that special day.
And last evening as we were sitting in those turquoise chairs in front of our cottage watching the sun set a man stopped to say we had the perfect spot to see Venus just after sunset. I haven’t been watching any news here so hadn’t heard that was going to be a ‘thing’ … so we stayed outside longer and enjoyed that. My phone does not take good sky photos but it was the only thing in the sky right after sunset.
