Eleven months and from the outside I have everything together but on the inside I still am an unorganized man just trying to make it day by day. There are dishes in the sink since Tuesday. I haven’t vacuumed in a week and my dog hasn’t had nearly enough of my attention.
The rush of responsibility in the week leaves little time to think and I’m so worn out by the weekend that I hardly have the energy to do more tasks. So the dishes pile up, the carpet gathers time and man’s best friend stays loyal in the wind.
I have realized that being a widow is a fulltime job and, for now, grief is my manager – On call at any point in the day to stop and respond. Just like any job, I’ll work hard. I’ll answer the calls but I’ll use those calls to gain experience. With experience and time, the old manager will move on and I will take its place and begin to manage myself how I choose but never forgetting my humble beginnings. For now I have to accept that Grief is my new mentor…