“Badass” (often stylized with an asterisk, like “bad*ss”) is an informal term referring to someone, typically a woman in recent contexts, who is tough, formidable, and indomitable, often in the face of adversity or to challenge norms. (AI Dictionary)

 

What qualifies a widowed person as a bad*ss?

 

A Bad*ss Widowed Person discerns when saying “no” is braver than saying “yes” (or vice versa):

• Gets out of bed the morning of the funeral

• Or decides to stay a bit longer in the bed if needed

• Steps into the world after being in the tunnel of death & dying

• Or delays returning to regular life if not ready

• Shows up for their self when negative self-talk is saying it’s selfish (it’s not)

• Or pushes their self a bit to reach out to help another

 

I received my first “Badass Widow” cup in an elevator at Camp Widow in July 2021. A kind widow won a silent auction basket with a theme of resilience from Australia’s Soaring Spirits. Before seeing the cup, I had no thoughts of becoming a badass; it never occurred to me to aspire to that. Yet it makes perfect sense. When you are facing the hardest thing you have ever faced before, it makes sense to want to push back a bit.

 

 

A Bad*ss Widowed Person sometimes dives in (after much, or some, consideration) to do the thing they’ve never done before, such as:

• Organizing the finances utilizing (or inventing) their own method
• Interviews for a new job even after tears leak out a bit while in the car
• Builds a rack to hold household tools
• Goes to the local landfill for the first time ever to keep “the project” going
• Creates a strong boundary with a friend or family member to stop a hurtful behavior
• Reaches out past shyness to make a new friend in spite of fear of rejection

 

There are no official “levels of badassery” in personal growth, but the concept can be understood as a spectrum of qualities like resilience, courage, self-sufficiency, and a growth mindset. These traits can be broken down into stages of development, from a self-protective or conformist mindset to being a self-actualized individual who is capable, independent, and lives with purpose. (AI Dictionary)

 

Sometimes the Bad*ss Widowed Person goes over and above if needed, such as:

• Says no, when it was tempting to say yes and pile yet another thing upon themselves
• Speaks through tears because a truth needed to be spoken aloud
• Takes a nap when their body requires sleep and does so without judging themselves
• Avoids people who suck energy rather than bring light
• Learns to ask for help, even when it feels foreign to do so
• Allows themselves to change their mind when needed

 

Being a bad*ss widowed person is not a one-and-done thing

 

I’ve personally earned my bad*ss status this past week when I:

• Completed part one and two of a complex logistical home project
• Didn’t give up, even when it would have been so easy to do so
• Dared to dream about driving a small truck as my transportation and viewed models online
• Decided to take a class to learn the language of my people for the first time
• Imagined myself using conversational Spanish without self consciousness
• Rented a truck for the first time, filled it with trash, and took it to the dump
• Asked for help at the dump, which opened me to a landfill employee’s kindness

 

Some of the qualities I’ve observed in bad*ss widowed people are:

TENACITY

BRAVERY

STUBBORNESS

FEELING THE FEAR

MOVING THROUGH THE FEELING WITH BRAVE ACTION

 

 

How did the learning happen?

 

 

In my own bad*ssery course of independent learning, I found that learning happens by falling down, getting up, and trying again. Learning is happening by “failing” and loving myself anyway.

I continue to learn by:

GIVING UP

LIVING IN FEAR WITHOUT QUESTIONING IT

GIVING UP AGAIN

WEARING FEAR LIKE A COAT

 

A Riddle by AI:

What did fear say to the badass widowed person?
“Uh… never mind about me — you’ve clearly already handled worse.”

 

Keep going, my friend. 

We can do hard things.