Widow's Voice

Tis The Season

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It’s official, as a solo parent free time in December doesn’t exist. Thank goodness I put my humbug down last week because time is flying now.

Photo by laura adai on Unsplash

After I vented in my blog post last Monday about not getting the tree out yet. I pushed myself to drag the tree up from the basement. I enlisted the middle dude to help me carry tree and ornaments upstairs. That jolly little elf even insisted we listen to Christmas music while we worked. I did convince him we didn’t need to put every ornament we had on the tree this year. So hopefully the take down process will be a little easier for me.

On Wednesday we put up the outdoor decorations that still work and tossed what didn’t. It’s a little sparse and the wind has taken down a spiral light tree but it’s fine.

One of the small things that makes me smile is getting my nails done. I was never consistent with it before Tony died. Since his passing, I get them done about once a month. Last week, I decided to jump in with the fake it until you make it and went for holiday nails.

During the hard seasons of widowhood that’s what we have to do sometimes. Last week, I wasn’t sure if I was going to fake it the whole season or if I’d gradually start getting excited.

I’m not 100% there yet but I’m feeling better. Some of that is making myself get up and check off the things I’m dreading but know I’m going to do. Once they are in my rearview mirror, I feel a little better.

This weekend I’ve got a work holiday party, a friend Christmas party that never disappoints, 2 birthday dinners, 6 soccer games, a swim meet, and a cookie exchange. If I still had the tree to put up, I’d have one more thing to be stressing over. It’s very possible, I will show up to the cookie exchange empty handed. But it’s family so they will understand, and they will probably let me free load a few cookies anyway.

Photo by Oriol Portell on Unsplash

So if you’re stressing this Christmas, I feel you. If you’re faking it till you make it, I see you. Or maybe you are embracing your inner Scrooge, I support you in that endeavor too. Do whatever you need to do this season to get through it and we’ll be in 2024 before we can say Bah Humbug!

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.