• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Widow's Voice

Widow's Voice

  • Soaring Spirits
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors
    • Grace Villafuerte
    • Emily Vielhauer
    • Diana Mosson
    • Kathie Neff
    • Gary Ravitz
    • Sherry Holub
    • Lisa Begin-Kruysman

Til Death Do Us Part . . . or not

Posted on: July 7, 2021 | Posted by: Kathie Neff

The irony of pledging our lives to one another on Independence Day revealed itself slowly over the years.

A powerful love awakened what felt like super powers. Of course we would live a lifetime together, no matter the bets of some who thought otherwise.

Dan enjoyed highlighting the benefits of choosing July 4th to marry: You always have the day off; the whole country celebrates your special day with fireworks; and you’ll never forget your wedding anniversary!

We did not know the harsh ways of life when we promised our love over a lifetime.

During a formative time, we learned some things that helped such as seeing “love” as an active verb. Love as a decision. We can choose to love even when being right felt more important than being in relationship. So often this tiny phrase moved us from stalemate to possibility.

On anniversaries when someone noted our years together I retorted “fingers crossed for one more year!” The words do not reference the separation that comes from the physical state of dying; rather, they hint at the fearsome truth that the flame of our love is not guaranteed. Making the decision to love over hours, days, weeks, months, and years, cannot be promised with certainty.

The hard work of our marriage, as two opposites, was worked out literally one day at a time. When we were in the hell of illness I sometimes wondered about the ironic possibility that our marriage might not make it until death do us part. Many decisions to love were required. The loving hands and hearts around us brought respite during those difficult times; a chance to take a breath and decide to love in the midst of the challenge.

 

I feel strangely alone as I sit just hours before July 4, 2021 in one of those moments where his permanent absence is undeniable.

 

egg salad 

an

awareness

     of

     a 

feeling

     heavy

     like 

     lead

arrives 

within

me.

 

a 

heavy

dull feeling

taking

up

space

in

me.

 

ice

covered 

eggs

     now cooled

submit

to

their de-shelling

one

at

a

time.

 

I place their

round

naked 

bodies

     into

     the

     bowl

while the

lead

in my belly

     bears

     witness

to

the

     un

     spoken 

truth.

 

He will not be here

to enjoy the sandwich.

—a widow

 

The clock turned just now.

It’s 12:04 am on the Fourth of July.

I’ve made a decision.

I’ve decided that this journey of ours

will continue.

Our form may be changed.

Our physical locations may be different.

 

In the same way

when we first said, “I do,”

we don’t know

how

this

will all work out.

 

For now,

it

is

enough

to believe

that

somehow

our decisions

to love

can

continue.

 

I love you, babe.

Happy Anniversary. 

 

 

Categories: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO

Primary Sidebar

Footer

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors

SSI Network

  • Soaring Spirits International
  • Camp Widow
  • Resilience Center
  • Soaring Spirits Gala
  • Widowed Village
  • Widowed Pen Pal Program
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Contact Info

Soaring Spirits International
2828 Cochran St. #194
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 877-671-4071

Soaring Spirits International is a 501(c)3 Corporation EIN#: 38-3787893. Soaring Spirits International provides resources with no endorsement implied.

Copyright © 2025 Widow's Voice. All Rights Reserved.