Yesterday, our son voted for the first time. This weekend, we had a family Halloween party, followed by Halloween karaoke after trick-or-treating, and we had a blast! We visited one of our favorite fall festivals, an annual family tradition that started more than 15 years ago. Had brunch with friends.

All happy and exciting, momentous and ordinary times. And always, in my mind and in my heart, my hubby.

He wasn’t here. ❤️‍🩹

This year, I didn’t really know what I was going to dress up as for Halloween. We, as a family, decided on characters from The Haunted House. I wanted to go for a “La Llorona” look. La Llorona (The Weeping Woman) is a famous figure in Hispanic and Latin American folklore, particularly in Mexico. She is a grieving, vengeful ghost who wanders riverbanks, lakes, and canals at night, eternally wailing for the children she drowned in a fit of jealous rage. Gracias Wikipedia.

But the urban legend kind of creeped me out, so my character evolved into more of a “Dead Bride” kind of look. I used my actual wedding veil, and for the first time in two or so years, I put on my wedding rings. I kept touching them and smiling. They brought me a kind of comfort I wasn’t expecting.

Then I thought, wow, how appropriate for me. A dead bride. An outward representation of the me who was and died with him. The death of my marriage.

The death of the life we didn’t get to live together.

Halloween 🎃 here was a beautiful fall night. I loved seeing all the costumes, the streets buzzing with joyful kids and teenagers running on sugar (or the promise of full-size candy bars and chocolate!). People sat outside around their fire pits, chatting with everyone who walked by. I cherish these moments so much more now. I feel them more deeply, and they fill my soul and recharge my batteries 🔋.

 

The difference, almost three years out, is that I’m more comfortable with the dark side of widowhood, while still grieving and missing my husband so much every single day.

And after the fiasco that Halloween was for me last year, this year I decided, HELL NO!!! I said yes to an invitation to karaoke on Friday, had a plan for Saturday -that didn’t include my very independent teenagers-, and planned activities with friends and family all weekend long.

Take that, Halloween!!! You’re not going to ambush me ever again!!! I ain’t scared of you!!! 👻

 

Hasta la próxima! Until next weekPeace.