I was putting my hair up into a ponytail last week and noticed there was a spot that felt almost waxy. The spot was close to the nape of my neck so it took me a minute to process what it could be. Then it hit me. I went straight to a mirror, and it didn’t take long to confirm my suspicions.

Alopecia Areata.

I never struggled with this before Tony died. I wrote about it the first time I experienced this kind of hair loss in 2022, when I was 18 months out. (Stress Manifested – Widow’s Voice) I received treatment for the hair loss at the dermatologist and never looked back. Until now.

This year I hit the five-year anniversary of his death. I may outwardly present as fine, but I am forever altered.

Yes, I can smile and plan fun outings with my friends and the kids. But I don’t know how to cut away the stress that I alone carry in the aftermath of his life cut short.

At any given moment I am stressed over; home repairs, kids post-graduation plans, my finances next year as the oldest loses social security and he potentially starts college, work, the kids grades, making the most of our time together, maintaining friendships, writing a blog, medical appointments and decisions, teaching the next kid to drive, staying active and healthy, and the list goes on and on and on.

Given all that, I shouldn’t be surprised alopecia has found its way back to my scalp. Thankfully, I already got into my dermatologist to start treatment. Now I need to find a way to manage my stress in a way that doesn’t build into this manifestation. I don’t know what that is yet, right now I’m just at the stage of dumping all of this onto a blog page.