Photo by Tolka Ulkan on Unsplash
Today is a stay-in-bed-day
I am feeling weepy
I am feeling bereft
I am missing my old life
I am missing my dead loves
I am missing my alive loves
The dog and cat were with me for a while but even they got bored and left
It’s all so iterative. Re-iterative
Constant spirals, some tight, some loose, some confident, some wobbly
Some venturing upwards. Others plummeting downwards
The only thing that is for sure, is that it’s always moving, always shifting
One way or another
Sometimes quickly. Sometimes imperceptibly
But moving nevertheless
Like breath
Like yoga moves
I am trying to discern, to articulate, what the “it” is
Even the “it” shape-shifts
Today the “it” is “Will”, or “Energy”
Other days I think the “it” is “Grief” or “Love” or “Life”
And the “it” is also myself
Over the timespan of a week, or a day, or even a few hours
I shift too
Energised yesterday
Cycling around in the sun, dropping in on friends, last weekend
To being capable of nothing more than getting coffee and going back to bed today
To Be
To Re-Be
So be it. Today I will just Re-something, and trust that it’s the right Re-thing for me
Grief work, life work, my work, is all Re-ing, of one type or another
Today is about Re-Being
