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Progress Not Perfection

Posted on: September 4, 2024 | Posted by: Kathie Neff

In Life and In Widow-Dog Training

 

PART three

Yellow lab on guard in her yard. Sitting alert.

Last night, I took this picture of Indy as she watched over her territory. This morning, she moved into action mode over the dangerous action of me looking out the window!

 A light yellow flash of 70 pounds of athletic animal leaping through the doggie door; flying full speed ahead. A show-off’s exaggerated sentry march. Run full speed ahead, make a hairpin left turn at full throttle and hit the Spruce tree (woof! woof!). Quick turn to the right toward the wood pile (woof! woof!). Skim by the fence where the pesky midget dogs emit their silly yaps. All the while with an eye pealed on Mom who is (hopefully) fully impressed with the drill.

But, you ask, does she swim?

 

In part one of this story

. . . I took another look at my choice, soon after my husband’s death, to take on a very special Labrador pup. In the clear view of hind-sight, I acknowledged being “not myself” or “not fully myself.”  I must also admit to being aka: widow.  Yes, that is a thing.

She did not get the socialization with people she needed (thank you, Covid), she did not learn neighborhood etiquette (thank you widow-brain AND Covid). She was re-homed, lovingly, but what of her travel from her litter to the first home? The trip from AZ to CA? And then the second re-homing to my place? The world is full of trauma opportunities. Better to factor that in than to close my eyes to it.

Reasons matter in making choices, but sometimes the reasons arrive after the widow-brain is a bit more sane. Reasons can explain the past and also determine choices in the future. Helpful to me?

Most definitely. Especially when LIFE brings racoons under the house (first time ever for me) and my hunter pup spends about a month in high anxiety due to her expert smell and hound-like spirit.

Tell me why Life likes to pick on widows, will you?

Yellow Labrador Retriever hunting smells.
“I know there is an animal here, somewhere!”

 

In part two of this story

. . . I explored Indy’s rightful heritage of wolf ancestors and you know what? It actually helped me to remember that. Animals are animals, even when they present in human-like fashion.

Exceptions abound. Nature and Nurture inform our characteristics – humans, canines, all of  us. Why is this relevant?

For me, the wolf part of Indy is relevant because as her human I need to take seriously the need for training my wolfie-widow-pet. If I want sanity in my home, and safety for myself and my animal, I must take training seriously.

 

Which brings us to part three

…I am happy to report that Indy’s training is going very well. She is smart, and although I can get lazy about the major role I play in her training, I have embedded certain training actions on-the-daily, focusing on progress not perfection.

  1. When I feed her (2x a day) I make her “place” into full reclining position. When her body relaxes, I give her the food.
  2. Most days, I remove the gates by the front door and train her to “place” on her bed while I ring the doorbell, or if someone arrives.

Just two small investments that remind her who the main-widow-wolf is in this house.

 

Progress Not Perfection

I hate to inform all the Type One Enneagram folk that I will never be perfect. I know this in my bones. So I go with the 10-Step maxim: Focus on progress rather than perfection.

For Indy’s Training.

For my steps and missteps as a relatively new widow.

For myself and others as a human-beings-in-training.

 

And I still follow advice from my first pediatrician….

(edited to apply to my dog)

“If you are not enjoying your baby (pup, dog, beastie, hound) more of the time than not, then reach out for help.”

Which I did. And will in the future as needed.

More to be revealed, but until then, here are some images of my precious beastie!

Collage of Indy photos - 1Collage of Indy photos - 2

Categories: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO

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