Widow's Voice

Passing the Friday Blog Torch

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Hi, everyone!

I am writing to say good-bye to you as the Friday Widow’s Voice writer. I am also writing to thank you for the opportunity and the support, and to pass the torch to the new Friday writer, Sherry! I am currently in my last semester of writing my dissertation for my Ph.D. program. I am finding that I have less and less time to give to this blog, and I wanted to free up a little of my brain space to get this paper written finally! I appreciate the community’s understanding as I work toward my goal. 

It has been an honor to write for this blog for almost 3 years, and I am so appreciative to Soaring Spirits and to this community for the opportunity. There is so much hope and healing in the work that you all do, and I am grateful to everyone who has welcomed me and shown me support. Most of all, I am so appreciative of the opportunity to share Boris with other people. I think that his humor, his wit, and his big heart deserve to be known by the whole world. Our love is complicated, sometimes tumultuous, but it is big and it is full, and it is forever part of me. It is still present, and I will always cherish our story. 

This is not a blog I would have ever wanted to be qualified to write, and I hate that there are so many people who share my experience. Losing my boyfriend/partner of 10 years to suicide at the age of 27 is not something that will ever be okay. It will never be a gift or a blessing, and there is no silver lining to it. It is tragic and devastating, and it always will be. And, at the same time, I know I have the strength to move forward. I know that I can live life with meaning and purpose in spite of my loss and in spite of the trauma. Alongside the community of other widow(er)s and grievers I have met (both in real life and online) I know that we can all survive this, even in the darkest of days. And, my hope is that we do it with softness and self-love rather than only the hard edges and gritted teeth that society sometimes wants us to have. We know that this grief can be all-consuming, and it is ok if we are not ok. My hope for you is more kindness and patience with yourself, and more opportunities to show the world what it is like to grieve this kind of loss. 

I am honored to pass along the Friday spot to Sherry and get to know her and her love, Mario. They were together for many years, and I look forward to learning more about their love story. From what I know, Mario shared some similarities to Boris…he was talented, creative, and a gentle soul. Sherry was widowed in 2021, and she brings with her a lot of writing experience. I am so appreciative to Sherry for taking my spot on Fridays for Widows Voice, and I cannot wait to learn more about her and Mario. 

Again, thank you to this community. I will remain engaged with Soaring Spirits, and I hope to continue to connect with you all. 

 

Xo,

 

Victoria

About Victoria Helmly

My love story began in 2005 and though my love is no longer physically here with me, our story has not ended. I met Boris when we were 14, but it was not until our junior and senior year of high school that we became more than friends (he was my first kiss!). We went to the same college and although our relationship was a bit rocky through our early 20s, we made it through. He was my person. Our relationship grew stronger as we matured and learned about one another more as adults. I was certain that he was my forever. We talked about the future a lot and we knew we would get married, but we did not want to rush—he was still finishing graduate school and I was just starting my first full-time job. We did not realize how little time we had left together.

In the summer of 2017, Boris was hospitalized three times for active suicidal ideation. This was a heartbreaking, exhausting, and life-changing experience. After 10 months of therapy, medication, and support groups, Boris died by suicide on April 7, 2018. My life now has two parts: the one before April 7, 2018 and the one after. My very best friend, my person was now gone.

If you were to ask how I am doing now, 2.5 years later, I would say I am okay. I am living. My world continues to spin, and I continue to move forward. However, I still carry deep sorrow and loneliness. I have struggled with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes I still cannot believe that he is actually gone. I still feel him with me, and I know that I will never stop loving and missing him.

I am currently in school for my Ph.D. and live just outside of Atlanta with our cat, Kitty Cat (Boris is responsible for the creative name). I work as a graduate research assistant currently, but I worked for three years with our State Unit on Aging prior to going back to school. I love movies, my friends and family, long walks, and traveling.