If I’m going to write my truth in full here, sometimes that means sharing the uglier side. Many of us have vices. They are not all healthy. I don’t want to condone it or judge it here, only share.
Occasionally, I find myself in a situation where I have overindulged in alcohol. Where one drink turns into more than I planned. Where the logical side of my brain forgets I can’t lay in bed the next day if I don’t feel like sunshine. As a solo parent, navigating my parental obligations with a hangover isn’t always easy.
Saturday morning, I woke up with a headache after imbibing too much wine at a birthday celebration. When I awoke, I had a headache but two of the kids had soccer, so we carried on. I drove to the facility and settled in on the bleachers for the boys’ back-to-back games.
The more time passed, the worse I felt. Indoor soccer in a gym is loud; parents yelling, referee whistles, scoreboards buzzing, kids running. The various stimuli were too much for me. I stood up at the end of the second game and realized I was worse than I thought.
The boys and I hightailed it to the parking lot where I was hoping the fresh air would help. However, it was too late. My head pounding and my insides rumbling was too strong. I was sick right there in the parking lot. The boys were safely tucked in the car. A fellow parent and friend made sure we were okay.
I drove us home feeling guilty. Guilty that I over indulged, and guilty that my kids had to bear witness to the repercussions. After we arrived home, I took a quick nap and then we headed to a family cookie exchange. After the cookie exchange, we had a Christmas party with friends.
The fellow soccer parent was at the Christmas party, and we were retelling the events of the morning. I deflected the situation with my usual dose of sarcasm, demanding no one try and steal my mom of the year trophy. Then another mom spoke up and reminded me that no matter how bad I felt that morning, I was the parent who got myself and the kids up. Then sat through over two hours of soccer, while I suffered internally. Not only that, I kept going afterwards and got them to the cookie exchange.
If I was still in a two-parent household, Tony would have taken the boys to soccer. I would have stayed in bed for a little extra sleep. The self-judgment I felt wouldn’t have been as deep for missing the games as it was for getting sick. I’ve never really thought about how much more inconvenient a hangover is without a backup parent.
So, while I’m not proud of the over-indulgence, I am also not going to carry that moment forever. I can do better and most of the time, I do. Therefore, I’m acknowledging that it occurred and moving forward.
