It occurs to me that yesterday, January 30th, was the 6th anniversary of the closing of the home my late-husband, Rich, and I purchased in 2020 in St. Marys, GA. It was an exciting time with the promise of a happy future. It also happens to be Rich’s birthday next week, on February 4th, the day that home is scheduled to be listed for sale. 

Lately, whenever I pick up my phone, the bottom number just happens to be 44, Rich’s birth year, or some other configuration of 4s. I believe it’s his way of reminding me of his birthday because he’s been physically gone for over four years now and Richie liked his attention like a good ‘ole Jersey Guy. There is some synchonicity here that numerologists, and others with metaphysical leanings, could possibly provide some insight.

Lately, I’ve been reading the posts of those who are entering their fourth year of this loss. For the most part they are doing alright, and expressing a lightening of grief. But, not everyone is sharing that. Some are still struggling badly. Everyone’s story is valid and I think it is just harder for some. I realized the other day that I am at the four year and four month point of my own widowhood and that seems to make my phone “alerts” make sense. That’s alot of “4” ward motion going on and I embrace it. 

There are so many factors affecting how we are able to cope with our loss. Age. Health. Length and quality of the marriage or partnership. Financial situation. Long illness after prolonged caretaking with anticipitory grief. Sudden loss with ensuing traumatic shock. Geographic location as in residing in rural vs. more populated areas. Widowed with children or none. Multiple losses. Number and quality of friends and social connections, and so on. All widows are not “created” equally.

Moving forward, or just having more better days than really bad, are affected by all of these factors. Our mental state can also be influenced by just about anything and anyone as we make our way forward on a daily basis.

The other day I inquired of someone if they’d be attending a Valentine’s Day event in town. She told me she was and that it happened to be her 30th wedding anniversary on that day. She rolled her eyes and made a comment about how it hadn’t always been easy, implying a struggle.

“Well, be thankful you made it to your 30th. I didn’t get that opportunity,” I blurted out, very briefly sharing my story.

I felt bad afterward. Even though she’d made a disparaging comment about her long marriage, I sensed that she knew she was fortunate to be able to celebrate that special occasion with her husband on a day designated for love. Maybe she was just having a challenging patch.

Afterward, at the local Winn Dixie, the banter on the check out line was basically a put down of marriage and spouses. I wanted to take one of those divider batons and smack them all on the head. But, I didn’t. People live in their own world’s and that is their reality. It’s just human nature. 

I’ve found myself these days not posting on social media as much about Rich as I used to, which is normal. But, I’ve met so many new people during the past two years or so, and want them to know Rich. We had so many mutual friends and colleagues, and they tell me that they like to see his memory kept alive. I don’t post for sympathy, I just want to share about a person that was such an important part of my life, and now is no longer here due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, or fault.

So on Wednesday, I most likely will be sharing a link to my beautiful home on a relator site along with photos of Rich (I always wish I had more) as we celebrate a man who was so much to so many. We had a short, but happy time in that home and I hope all those good moments will make that place a perfect haven for someone else now. I truly hate to part with it, but the time is right now.

Corpsman Up “Doc” and happy birthday!  You are never forgotten as we move “4” ward. Thank you for moving along the path with me.