Widow's Voice

Look with your heart, not your eyes.

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The first year I felt angry when I saw older people living when Mike was not.  I felt that it was unfair that so many old people were alive while my fiancé died before our wedding. I felt guilty about my misplaced feelings of anger and resentment and jealousy.  Mike was denied his old age, but other people are not.  This is simply life.  It is what it is.  The elderly people I saw going about their lives were not guilty of anything that merited my rage.  These folks were simply living the life I wanted to live with Mike.

I know the deaths of our beloveds can feel unjust.  And, I recall how it stung when I saw others enjoying what I no longer have.  But, if possible, I respectfully encourage widowed people to take another look at all couples – both young and old –  look with your heart, not your eyes.

 

Do you see something different?  Do you see the love.

 

Since I replaced my jealousy with admiration, I have returned to observing older couples with enthusiasm and genuine joy.  I enjoy watching them love on each other in the same way I imagined Mike and I would have done if he didn’t die.  Watching others bring to life the love I used to have brings me happiness.  People in the type of love I used to be in give me hope that love like that still exists in our world.  It gives me hope that maybe I can fall into it again.

~Staci

 

“Grow Old With Me”
John Lennon

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our loveSpending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love

About Staci Sulin

It is my privilege to write to you each week and I hope my blog inspires you to lean into your grief. This isn't easy, but it is the only way through this mess.

I believe that we are lead back towards life and living when we allow ourselves to be still, and sit in the "nothingness" where grief lives. Visiting this empty place is difficult, but it is necessary. This quiet place holds the blueprints of our new, alternate life.

I know you are scared to go to the edge of this place; admittedly, I was too. But, in order to reenter life, we have to take a leap of faith. With time, I gathered momentum and I took the leap - building my wings on the way down.

It has been nearly five years since Mike died and I realize that what I feared most about the future was not the obvious uncertainties; but, rather, the possibility of letting new beginnings and a good life to pass me by. I was afraid that I would settle into an ordinary life when I want an extraordinary life.

I worried that I would play small, when my potential is big. As I write to you each week I am challenging us both not to shrink. I am keeping us accountable. I do not want either of us to fall back into an easy comfortableness when we can leap forward, towards a bold life. I want you to manifest the best in yourself. Go on, begin to recreate a beautiful life for yourself.

From the Ledge with Wings in Hand,

Staci

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