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Hello Goodbye

Posted on: August 27, 2019 | Posted by: Mike Welker

Since the spring of 2015, I have written here every Tuesday (well, “most” every Tuesday).  I’ve shared my story from just a few months after losing Megan, to now. Having four plus years of what can only amount to a public “journal” has been both surreal and incredibly healing.  

Oftentimes, it’s hard to recall just how “raw” I felt in that first year or so, or how confused I was about life.  Whether I was doing the right things, or raising Shelby correctly, or honoring Megan’s legacy. I certainly never imagined I’d be writing this post, years later.  

I felt that sharing my story here was a phase.  That after a year or so, I wouldn’t have anything to discuss any further, or that I would burn out and simply wish to go silent.  There have also been numerous times that I wanted to share about my new partner and current fiance, but second-guessed the subject, not wanting to feel as if I was unrelatable to the thousands of widows and widowers that either have no desire to be with another person, or have dipped their toes into the dating world, only to find that nobody even remotely compares to “their person”.

I write today to state that this “phase” is coming to an end of sorts.

As of next week, I will no longer be writing for Soaring Spirits every Tuesday.  Over these four years, it truly has been an honor, and has also grown increasingly difficult to simply find a relatable subject to write about.  Time has indeed healed some wounds. The raw emotion of the early stages of my widowhood has given way to the “picking of scabs”…oftentimes having to force myself to reopen those wounds in order to write.

But I’m not leaving Soaring Spirits.

There is a new beginning occurring next week.  

Going forward, our Sunday writer, Sarah, and I will be sharing this space.  We will alternate time, or bounce things off of each other each weekend. We may even write a “shared post” from time to time.  This will not be difficult for us to coordinate, considering that, if you are otherwise unaware, the two of us are engaged to be married next summer, and have lived together for quite some time.  

This gives us both an opportunity to share more about what being widowed and having a new partner is like.  About the difficulties we faced in dating, perceptions of the others’ person, and the triggers and emotions that we both still experience, years after losing Megan and Drew.  About parenting a daughter that lost her mother at a young age, from both the birth parent’s perspective, and from the “step” parents’ perspective.  

I’m incredibly excited to start this new schedule.  To be able to share, unapologetically, both the “previous love” and the “love after”.  

 That said, this new idea obviously leaves a vacancy on Tuesdays.  I am happy to say that the vacancy has already been filled. A member of our “community that no one wants to be a part of” has enthusiastically agreed to begin sharing her story of loss, and the life after, every Tuesday…Emma Pearson.

I will let Emma share her own story the way she wants to share it, only stating that I met Emma at Camp Widow in Toronto last fall, and being the wonderful writer and person that she is, I am certain that her words will resonate loudly in so many hearts and minds.  

So, “farewell” to Tuesday, “hello” to Sunday, and most of all…

 

“Welcome!” to Emma!

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Community

About Mike Welker

Three months after my discharge from the Marine Corps, at 22 years old, I met my wife Megan, on December 10th, 2002. The very next day, I was drawn like a moth to a flame into dealing with a long term, terminal illness. Megan had Cystic Fibrosis, and after 8 years or declining health, she received a double lung transplant, and a new lease o life. Our daughter Shelby was born in 2007. In early 2014, those recycled lungs, which had brought our little family three years of uncomplicated health and happiness, finally began to give out. She died from chronic organ transplant rejection on November 19th, 2014 while I held her hand and let her go. I'm a single father and widower at 34 years old, and no one has published a manual for it. I don't fit the mold, because there is no mold. I "deal with it" through morbid humor, inappropriateness, anger, and the general vulgarity of the 22 year old me, as if I never grew up, but temper it with focus on raising a tenacious, smart, and strong woman in Shelby. I try to live as if Megan is still here with us, giving me that sarcastic stare because yet again, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

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