In 2021, seven months after Dan died, Thanksgiving arrived. In the calendar of our family traditions Christmas arrived just 32 days later.

It is hard to believe that this is only the second holiday season since Dan left us.

This morning, I am thinking about some who may be reading this that it is their first holiday season.

I’m thinking of those who may have had many seasons lived in shock or as an out-of-body-experience.

And those who (for whatever reason) feel a “first time” overwhelm even after some years of the calendar pages turning, turning, turning yet feeling like it is the first time once again.

Take heart, my friends, we can do this together.

Wherever we find ourselves, words from others who have traversed the path can be helpful at any stage. Google sent me to the glorious list below.

Thank you, Nancy Sharp and ESME, for these beautiful ideas!

https://esme.com/resources/bereavement/the-first-holiday-season-as-a-widow

• Treat yourself with gentleness and respect. What are you physically and emotionally capable of doing? Grief is exhausting, and only you can know how much is too much.
• Commit to one event, not the four or five scattered parties you attended or hosted in previous years. Conserve your energy. You’ll be better off for it.
• Engage only in those holiday rituals that you and your family deem most important. What feels right to you? What new rituals might you create?
• Should gift giving feel like more than you can handle, suggest an alternative. What about an evening out, an overnight getaway, a family hike, a movie, or a lovely brunch?
• Make a donation in your loved one’s memory to a favorite charity. The amount is irrelevant, but generosity of spirit is contagious.
• Seize moments of laughter. Laughter heals like no other balm. Watch old Saturday Night Live episodes, read something satirical and silly, or watch America’s Funniest Home Videos on YouTube. I’m serious!
• Reach out to old friends. Consider this your way of asking for help from the people who know you best, who loved you before your loss, and who will continue to show up in your life going forward. Don’t isolate yourself or your children.
• Treat yourself. Whether it’s an afternoon at the spa or an afternoon reading magazines in bed, pick at least one treat that is just for you. You’re worth it.
• Put goal setting and resolutions on the back burner. Right now it’s enough to set some intentions. For instance, how about one bold step each week—one bold move that propels you forward without all the pressure?
• Remember, love and sadness coexist. Choose to see and feel love, even amid your sadness.

Here are two that can be helpful for any and all holidays and for any day of the year.

No matter how many years your precious person has been gone:

• Treat yourself. Whether it’s an afternoon at the spa or an afternoon reading magazines in bed, pick at least one treat that is just for you. You’re worth it.

• Remember, love and sadness coexist. Choose to see and feel love, even amid your sadness.

 

During this year’s holiday season . . . may your holidays be a blessing for your (still) tender heart.