At work last week, I had the opportunity to listen to a variety of speakers as part of a day focused on creative renewal. All the speakers were great. However, I was drawn to one named, Suleika Jaouad.
She wasn’t the typical, upbeat creative type I expected from the lineup. Her art flourished from a darker place than Barbie’s. (Don’t get me wrong, I love myself some Barbie.)
Ms. Jaouad was first diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 22. Faced with her own mortality and endless days confined to a hospital, she started blogging about her experience. While I have never faced a diagnosis where I had to face my own mortality, her words spoke to me.
As she took up writing, she realized she was writing from the perspective of not knowing how her story was going to end. At 22, that is hard truth to face. I do not pretend it is the same, but I felt parallels to when I first started blogging. I was 42 years old and 10 months widowed. The life I had been building with Tony crumbled when he died. I no longer had a plan for how my story and life would unfold. I’ve been writing for two years, and I still don’t have a plan.
The spoiler alert for anyone who has never experienced a life altering diagnosis or death, none of us know how our story will end. But until you walk in those shoes, it’s easy to maintain a false sense of security that you do.
At one point in her talk Suleika Jaouad said, “Life is a terminal condition.” I smiled to myself, thinking back to sitting poolside with my friends at the last Camp Widow San Diego. One of our jokes for the weekend had been, “Did you know you have 100% chance of dying? It’s true, studies have shown!”
While she is not a widow, she has faced death. I found myself inspired by her talk, jotting down notes, making note of the documentary she was featured in called “American Symphony”, and adding her book “Between Two Kingdoms” to my library list.
Sitting in the audience, I felt seen and heard. I hope she felt that too.
