How does story impact grief?
The personal narrative of our life, often called Our Story, belongs to only us. Others may have shared life with us, but our perspective and interpretation is ours alone.
We humans are meaning-makers and our mind is geared to make conclusions about the problems, pleasures, and predicaments we face over a lifetime.
As challenging as it sounds, I’ve discovered that it’s not so much what has happened to me in life as how I frame it. A long line of teachers, and a great therapist, taught me this lesson.
Considering the vehicle of “story” as a tool, the Oxford English Dictionary offers us multiple meanings and usage for the word: the narrative story, life story, love story, success story, top story, cover story, story writer, fairy story, bedtime story, creation story, history, human story, mystery story, story time, magazine story, story hour, frame story, birth story, Cinderella story, story editor, back story, sob story, story paper, wire story, ghost story, story conference, story film, story-writing, talk story, story song, photo-story, snake story, second-story man, shaggy dog story, non-story, story maker, story ballet, sub-story, Anansi story, ground-story, church story, song-story, winter story, Bible story, fish story, nancy story, tell-a-story, pipe story, name-story, blind story, camel-story, detective story, four-story, garret-story, goblin story, horror story, just-so story, long short story, mob story, murder story, natural story, newspaper story, news story, nursery story, over-story, picture story, play story, problem story, prophet story, scatter-story, school story, screen story, sea-story, sex story, smear story, spy story, story-dresser, story faith, story painter, story wise, story-work, story wrought, tale-story, third story, three-story, vampire story, war story.
In spite of the abundance of words offered from OED above, the definition of “story” I wish to apply today is absent. That is…
The story we tell ourselves about ourselves.
“The story we tell ourselves” refers to the internal narrative we create about who we are, based on our experiences, beliefs, and perceptions, essentially acting as a lens through which we view ourselves and the world around us; it can be positive, negative, or neutral, and significantly impacts our actions and emotions.” AI Overview
The power of story is in the telling.
The power of change arrives as gift through our courageous efforts and the kindness of non-judgmental listeners.
Specific to each of us
It was a comfort to learn, in the confusion of a dysfunctional childhood that there were many stories I could access that would give context to my own. It was somehow less lonely to know that life’s troubles come to all in a way that is very specific to each of us.
Time and Timeless
The construct of time, and the timeless, also brought me comfort. When I was locked into a dead-end of hopelessness, time became an element of hope for me. There was time to change the narrative. Time to find meaning in my story.
Ongoing: Past, Present, Future
This led to a truth in the center of my being: We are ever in the liminal space of change. For me, this turned my inner compass toward the default of optimism. The words “hope springs eternal” came alive for the first time.
Relevance
Each part of the journey is relevant over the timeline of past, present, and future. Utilizing the lens of that statement introduced me to the adventurer part of me. The journey is less of a drag and more of a puzzle that I learn to decipher. I have not traveled the physical world much, but I have traveled through space and time on my inner journey of learning who I am and who I am becoming.
Yours
Each of our journeys through grief is ours since each of our lives is never exactly like another’s. Respect for myself, and others, is easier to see when I remember this.
The story of our lives is connected to the story of the loss of our person. One loss is life is connected to all the losses. The work of figuring things out through helpers in books, or in person, is a worthy effort for all humans. The gift of the work is freedom.
There is more to say about story, but no more for today.
As always, take what you need and leave the rest. :))
