How did everyone do with the Thanksgiving Holiday? I know Soaring Spirits is an organization with an international membership, so for some of you, it really was just “another day”. 

For many in the US, however, Thanksgiving is a day filled with the expectation of being surrounded by family, food and friends. I have had my share of large gatherings through a variety of hosts and homes throughout the ages, each having a special place in my memory for good and let’s just say not as good. Feeling nostalgic, I found myself sharing those memories with someone yesterday and it made me laugh-out-loud which is healing in and of itself.

For the first time in my many trips around the holiday sun, I didn’t cook. 

Not one. Single. Thing. Although I did whip up a batch of bourbon pecan French Toast for breakfast. 

My late husband was a legendary cook. Affectionately nicknamed Gordon Ramsay, he would turn our kitchens into what could pass as a Thanksgiving set for the Food Network. “Stay out of his way, and all will be okay,” became my holiday mantra for anyone who wanted to “help” him prep or cook. 

I was happy in my logistic role as shopper, table set-up, pre-prep and guarding Rich from innocent holiday helpers, or guarding them if they insisted. I will state for the record that I am a good cook in my own right, but was content to live in the shadow of the Cuisine Art for most of our married life, and enjoy those amazing feasts. 

I don’t always miss that holiday drama and “drudgery”, but I truly do miss those culinary delights and family bonding each holiday delivered, and all my late family members with whom to recall these family stories; the keepers of The Museum of Holiday Musings.

Yesterday, my partner and I enjoyed a lovely relaxing dining experience on a sun-filled lakefront deck watching boats go by on the sparkling waters of the Saint Johns River in Florida. We could’ve brought our furry pack, as they are welcome at this establishment called the Idle Awhile, however, the pretty kitties that hang there would’ve been a constant test for our juvenile lab-mix, Jackson. 

It was amazingly relaxing, and all though I missed all the hectic activity and interaction, it was peaceful and I was able to just enjoy the moment and take measure of how far I’ve come in three years. 

We brought home a doggy bag that was happily shared by all three upon our return followed by a nice romp around the property which they adore. Reading the posts on some of the Widowed online sites, I know how somber the holiday season can be. While many do not wish to be alone, it can be just as painful when as a dinner guest you are reminded that you have lost your own familial core. For many, as I’ve written before, our dogs, and other pets, fill a void that many can’t understand. 

This weekend marks what would’ve been my parent’s 68th Wedding Anniversary. I keep a photo of them smiling and happy, nearby, and toast them daily with a little shot of whatever I’ve got handy, thanking them for another good day despite the losses. My Mom passed in February this year and my dad a year before. Despite the sun and beautiful day, I felt the weight of that loss and it was good to just appreciate my surroundings with no added holiday stress.

Daily rituals like that toast keep me grounded and I realize they would want me to live a good life with what they’ve left me. But I’m also aware that it is important to give others hope as well, and that is why I keep writing. Next week I will share more on that, but for now, as we go head on into the Great Holiday Season, just remember that your grief will eventually get more manageable and we can reset the paths we follow at our own pace.

I’m still mastering the art of what I call Thanksgrieivng, a mix of navigating that subdued state of everlasting grief with the state of being thankful for what remains. I don’t know if we ever actually master that, but by endeavoring, we find our way Forward.