Widow's Voice

Our Corona~

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Life will never be the same again, in most ways.

Shit around the world, and in our country, is changing so fast that my head is spinning around like Linda Blair’s in the freakiest movie to ever happen to our world, back in the 70’s.

The Exorcist.

Facebook is flooded daily with everything about our new favorite virus.

Fortunately, it’s also flooded with information about free classes, concerts, workouts, counseling one on one, yoga breathing and relaxation, singalongs…pretty much whatever your quarantined heart might desire.

Financially, shit is already hitting the fan for so many individuals and families.

There’s a great deal of really, really, good, dark, humor available too. Recently, memes are spot on in every topic.

People post on fb about how stressed they are, how sad they are, how emotional this is for them, how it feels being in isolation, how tough it is going to the store to shop.

And they’re getting supportive and encouraging responses from everyone around them…family, friends, strangers…people near and far.

All of which is lovely and wonderful and beautiful and necessary and good and how great it is, right?

And I’m over here thinking, not in a bitter way but in a wry, sardonic manner, tinged with cynicism, though I try not to be, that hey, world, guess what?

Welcome to the head spinning shock, disbelief, financial hurricane, numbness while feeling all the feels, terror, anxiety, fear, disorientation, discombobulation, loneliness, and generalized 100% uncertainty about the future, and every other emotion that we who are widowed experienced upon the death of our person and have lived in whatever time since their death.

Many, if not most of us, without support and with broken and shredded hearts.

My sense of humor is seeing me through all of this.

Life, right?

I want to start up a new business for all the non-widowed folks in the world now who find all of this so overwhelming.

Understandably overwhelmed.

Who wouldn’t be?

A business where I’d consult and help them understand what the hell is going on with them emotionally in these days of coronavirus.

I’d be kind of sardonic about it all with them.

These emotions we’re experiencing in these last couple weeks, and for the foreseeable future are all normal in every way.

Of course, the virus will end at some point.

Our loved one, our person will never return, even when it ends.

There’s no date stamp for that.

I guess I just want to say to the world, as we all go through this, that I hope you all do continue reaching out to one another. Slowing down. Paying attention. Speaking from your heart to your loved ones. All of this.

Because, really, world?

Welcome to the fuck of widowhood.

Grief is suddenly mainstream, peeps, and ain’t that a bitch?

 

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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