“If you can’t have a child, have a dog. If you can, have both of them.”
William Lewis Judy, 1949

(Founder of National Dog Week, 1928)

Today is a difficult milestone. With my Mom’s passing in February, I knew this Mother’s Day weekend would be an emotional time. Last week, while in Winn-Dixie, I was happily navigating the aisles listening to their excellent Playlist when an announcement interrupted my shopping with a cheery reminder to purchase cards, flowers and candy for your mom. I thought about the Gardenia plant I’d bought her for last year’s occasion, her favorite flower, and kept my focus on my shopping list.

I truly am grateful for the privilege of having my mom with me for six decades. I don’t think I have many friends who can say that, especially both parents as my father passed a year ago at age 95. Many of my close friends lost their parents when they themselves were in their early 20s or younger. 

But it’s all relative, no pun intended. Most of my friends have at least three children, I have had none, so in caring for my parents in their final years, I was experiencing my caregiving years in unique circumstances. Although at times it was frustrating and challenging to balance the care of two elderly parents with different needs, in the immediate wake of losing my spouse, it was what helped me to get through some profoundly challenging times.

My mom loved dogs and she was the first person to meet Quint with the exception of the man who drove Quint and me from the airport after our return flight from San Diego where I’d adopted him. She adored “Q” and was happy that I’d decided to adopt him although I’d gone such a long way to fetch him. Now I had another living being for which to care and to give me a new purpose, a reason to get up early each morning and to live on.

When I was just a young kid my mother located a breeder of toy poodles as I had wanted one so badly. That late January, just weeks after my tenth birthday, we welcomed a little brown ball of fluff I named Coco. Looking back, a toy poodle was probably not a great choice for our loud and active household. Poor Coco, with her inborn nervous temperament took to biting our friends and I’m pretty sure she ruined the living room carpet as housebreaking was not learned quickly. My mom, already busy with four young children, had taken on the caregiving role for a dog. 

Coco would meet her end during an altercation with another dog when I was 17. It would be almost 25 years later when I’d include the next dog in to my life, a wavy coated Portuguese water dog named Hooper that my mom adored. I’d learned by then from my childhood experience that it is important to do your best to choose a dog that suits your lifestyle and to commit to their care which entails time, energy and funds. 

My mom always supported my goals and ambitions. While I forged a corporate path in New York City in my 20s, she was proud of me, but understood that I was an artist at heart and worried that I wouldn’t pursue that as a career. When I left the corporate world at 30, she and my dad encouraged me to follow my artistic leanings and eventually I made art my career, one that successfully spanned three decades.

I keep a note she’d sent me a few years back with a little “gift” to buy something nice for myself. She’d written that it was a good day to do something nice for someone else. In the wake of her loss, I’ve taken to doing that, and hope to do more of it in the future to carry on in her generous spirit. She loved dogs, so of course, some (not all) will be directed their way.  

Toward the end of her life, she was so happy that I’d purchased my log home down in rural Florida. She expressed regret that she’d most likely never get to visit. Every evening, around the same time, she’d call me, even if she had to find a nurse to do it for her. One thing that brings me comfort now is that I always took that call, no matter where I was or what I was doing at the time. The last call she could make on her own happened on the day I officially moved here. Early the next morning she experienced a stroke and although she made a nice recovery, she was never able to place a call on her own again. 

Happy Dog Mom’s Day, officially observed the day before Human Mother’s Day, to all my friends who are moms, or provide mother-like love and care to all creatures great and small who may wander into their lives.

I think Captain Judy got it right in the quote cited above.

Have a good weekend and spread some mothering energy in the world.