This morning I received an email inviting Tony to his 30-year high school reunion.

Immediately the mental gymnastics started. Whose email address did this come to? Will his death be a topic of conversation at the reunion? Or will he quietly be forgotten by those we were close to? And remembering how much fun we had at his 20-year.

I have his email loaded on my phone, but this invite actually came to my email address.

Which makes sense, because I’m sure I am the one who actually bought the tickets last time. The planning committee wouldn’t have sorted through their distribution list to remove me.

Whether he is a topic of discussion at the reunion doesn’t really matter. I can’t help but wonder for a minute. Our close friends love both of us through his death.  Gossip mongers will always exist, but they won’t have any actual bearing on my life. Since I won’t be there, I can let that worry slip through my fingers.

At his 20 year, I don’t know who had more fun. We graduated two years apart from the same high school. While we didn’t date in high school we did share a social circle. He stood around with the guys and chatted while I spent the entire evening on the dance floor.

It’s weird to think about the reunion happening without us going. Another reminder of the things we are both missing out. I’m also glad I got the email invitation. It would have been harder to see the event pictures on social media come October, if I hadn’t been somewhat prepared. I will still feel the loss but hopefully it won’t be as sharp.