Several years ago,
Just a couple years after Chuck’s death,
A woman read my birth chart.
She took into account where and when I was born.
This wise woman, for that is who she was, drew my chart and studied the alignment of stars and constellations…where each one was on the morning I was born, deep in the heart of Texas.
I was still in shock from Chuck’s death and there is much I struggle to recall about what she told me as we sat together in that cabin in the Adirondack Mts of Pennsylvania, but her explanation of the two planets rising at my birth explained much to me, and I remember it still.
Mars and Venus.
Mars is, of course, the god of war.
Venus, we all know, is the goddess of Love.
Mars best describes how I’ve tackled this grief . Head on, taking no prisoners. I donned my own armor…mine is all pink…and pictured the imagery of a warrior in my mind, sword in hand. On the front of my pink trailer are the 3 letters FWG, in raspberry pink. They stand for Fucking Warrior Goddess. I put them there to remind me that I can do this. That I am doing this. That I will continue doing this. I’ve always considered my pink car and trailer as my chariot, taking me across the country, far and wide. Driving headlong into my grief and all that life holds out to me now. A family member commented early on that I described it all in such violent terms, and my imagery matched. Yep, I responded. It is a battle. For my own life. For my heart and soul, so that I don’t give in or give up. I don’t see it as violent. I see it as the grit and determination of a warrior. I approach it as a warrior. There is nothing soft about it.
And then there’s Venus, the goddess of Love. She represents the softer side of me that was so present when Chuck was alive, and her attributes remind me to care for myself even though I don’t have much interest in doing so. Venus reminds me of the Love story I lived for 24 years and she reminds me to keep my heart open to the Love that is still in my world; from my kids and extended family, from the community I’ve created for myself out on the road. She holds me to a standard of life for myself; one that is still filled with beauty and magic, whether my eyes see it or not.
Mars and Venus…though they may seem oppositional to each other, characteristics of both fit me well. And I’m a Gemini so I carry both easily and make them work in me and for me.
Mars represents Chuck to me, too; Chuck was a warrior, serving in the Air Force as a career. I was the Venus that showed up in his life and showed him the beauty of Love, as he showed me. I grew into my strengths with him, and I’ve taken those strengths into this life without him.
I look to the gods of mythology in this life of mine, full timing on the road. I realize that, even though I’m still for now with the pandemic, that I am still a nomad, looking to the skies and the stars and the planets to ground me. Mars burning darkly red and Venus shimmering brightly…
The strength of a warrior with a heart filled with Love.
I can do this~