I wish we were neighbors. I would come over with my cup and while we talked I would casually stir my tears into my coffee. Maybe my tears are magical. Maybe somehow, by swallowing them, the bitterness of living my life without him would dissipate.
But, we aren’t neighbors.
And, my tears aren’t magic.
So, now what?
How the heck do I fill the emptiness that lives inside me?
I don’t really know. I think I just continue; but, I am absolutely exhausted. The endurance grief requires is staggering. It has been 4.2 years and I am completely drained. I am drained of everything. I am living on reserves. I am utterly Soul tired. Still, I get up each day and live forward. I do the stuff that is required of me and I seek small moments of joy in between my responsibilities. I think that all I can do is try. And, I try again, and again and again. I will stubbornly keep living forward until, one day, I have a life that is more fulfilling than the one I am living today.