I’m still doing my best to look for the good each day and carve out a little bit of fun in the midst of those hard days that continue to pop up.

You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful not hateful. (Karen Salmansohn)

Sheila provides me with some ‘good’ every single day. She makes me laugh, she lets me talk and ramble on whenever I have the need to hear my voice, and she makes sure I’m not sitting down all day. I’m so very grateful to be her mom.

I’ve shared that I’ve been concerned about her bad kidney test results but we met with an internal medicine doc this week and I feel a bit better. Her numbers are higher than they should be, but not in the critical range, so he suggested we continue to monitor her for a couple more months before doing any of the other possible options (which carry some potentially serious issues themselves).

I do still have that garage full of Jim’s ‘stuff’ that I kept for his son to look over. Most of It needs to just be donated, but it’s hard to just wipe it all away since it represents the 50 years he and Estelle shared.  So I’ve just ignored it. Unfortunately, I’m really very good at that. There are many things that I will probably decide to find a space for … things they said they did not want, but things I just cannot give or throw away. Jim’s workshop is a perfect place for all of those kinds of things to land and his sons can deal with it all when I’m gone. But for now I’m going to commit to spending time in the garage every day and just get it done so I can reclaim it for my car.

It would be quite easy for me to just hunker down here in the house and not interact with anyone. And if I’m honest, I actually do need some of those kind of days rather often. Lisa, our Saturday Widow’s Voice blogger, mentioned her Myers-Briggs personality type and it made me take a look at mine. I recalled I did this test a few times while working and I was INFP … and I still am. Reading what that personality type is seems pretty darn accurate. Shockingly accurate. And explains why I do and feel some of the things I do.

My son’s fiancé is fabulous at finding fun things to do and I am often included. And this past Sunday that was a puppet-making afternoon! We each got to create and make our very own puppet monster. The instructor actually suggested we use a heart as their tongue, and you know that made me happy. I chose turquoise fur (of course) and named him ‘Lovey’. He makes me smile and that’s always a good thing. I doubt either of my guys would have wanted to join me in this activity, but it made me smile to think about how each would probably have responded if I had asked.

I don’t often get a really good, sound sleep. But I guess I must have Sunday night. I stayed over at Jeremy and Christine’s house after our puppet making afternoon together. Sheila woke me at 2:30 to go outside but when I got out of bed I could not find my way to the door or even the light switch. I thought I was at my house and was completely turned around and so darn confused. It was scary and actually brought me to tears. I’ll admit it made me think I had instantly developed dementia. But after I tripped over the fan at the end of the bed my brain finally clicked in and it was rather funny. I guess as long as I can laugh at myself, all is well.

2027 could bring some big changes if ‘my kids’ move to Canada but I’m going to try not to focus on being completely alone here. It’s a sobering thought – but could provide other opportunities. I do often think of moving somewhere else myself but then I come back to this house and feel this is where I need to be. At least for now. So I’ll wait and see what 2027 holds for me.