Happy Saturday. As I wasn’t able to attend Camp Widow in San Diego this year, I asked Margie Perez, a four-time Camp Widow ambassador to share her experience there. I met Margie on my first day at Camp Widow San Diego last year. I liked her positive and outgoing approach and her sense of humor.
It’s quite overwhelming to attend a conference, especially one of that nature, where you don’t know one single person (except for on-line interactions) held so far away from home, so it was good to meet a friend early on. Margie relays that she, “has been blessed with the gift of two dead husbands and all the wisdom that accompanies it. She feels both spirits daily, but wishes they would pitch in and mow the lawn or vacuum.” I do admire her brave sense of humor in the face of profound great loss.
The one thing that we all had in common at that event is the loss of a beloved spouse or partner, or in Margie’s case, two. I recall taking a walk with Margie and some other attendees after the first day of camp with its hectic rounds of workshops and meet-ups. I recall passing the very same spot in Seaport Village where I’d come to adopt my dog Quint in 2021 just seven weeks after Rich passed. It was a personal and poignant moment.
Later, Margie and our friends sat at the hotel bar. The talk turned to meeting perspective partners and using dating on-line sites and apps. “Let me see your dating profile,” Margie said to a young man sitting with us. He was a good sport and handed over his phone and we proceeded to “critique” his profile. It was all done in good fun, but I think our comments gave him some useful pointers, and he seemed to appreciate our input. I hope it helped him on his move forward. That’s one of the many reasons we were there; to be able to talk about our personal experiences as widowed individuals and our continual recovery with those in the trenches. I still keep in touch with people I met there, and hope for the best for all of us
At that time, a concert given by the extremely popular Country Music star, Morgan Wallen was taking place across from our venue. The Marriott was filled with his fans donning cowboy hats and boots. Wallen tunes played from phones at poolside and in elevators. The concert had just let out, and the bar area was flooding with fun-loving Wallen fans. It was time to give these kids some room at the bar, and we widows were weary from another meaningful and bonding day at Camp Widow, so we called it a night. It is still a great memory.
The following, in her own words, is Margie’s recollection of last weekend’s gathering in San Diego:
‘As I walked into the San Diego Marriott Marquis lobby for my 4th Camp Widow, I was unsure if I still belonged. Should I have “ moved on”? Suddenly I was greeted by 2 voices shouting my name accompanied by 2 amazing hugs. Yes this was my tribe 4 years out. In her keynote address, Michele Neff Hernandez, Founder of Soaring Spirits, International, spoke of butterflies. How butterflies are always in widow greeting cards. How they seem to be all around us. She shared the 4 very important stages from a caterpillar until the butterfly takes flight. Did you know butterflies only last 2-4 weeks but what a journey to that wonderful flight.
Many campers shared their thoughts about Camp Widow. I felt an inclusive welcoming atmosphere. I am being seen. The buzz of connection is all around me. Laughter is great therapy. Widow support is extremely important. I can speak without judgement. I reconnected with my tribe. I can dance like a kid. I need to build a toolbox without hammers and nails. I am not alone.
Returning campers felt the need to give back by volunteering at Camp. Being an ambassador. Room monitor. Set up. Tear down. Handling out tissues or general support and conversation.
Myself, I learned I want to “move forward” not move on. I am evolving. I will survive. We will survive together, then live.
Fly butterfly fly.”
Thanks Margie for sharing your unique experience! Fly on everyone…or choose to cocoon. Whatever it takes to create the best life for you in the moment, one step at a time.
