It’s not surprising that things hit differently once we are widowed, but sometimes it’s still unexpected.

In 2019, I excitedly ordered tickets to Hamilton when it was coming through on tour. Tony didn’t love the theatre like I did, but he put up with a show every now and then because he loved me. My parents joined us that night. We had a nice dinner followed by the show. Come to think of it, it’s probably the last date night we shared with my parents. You don’t really have date nights with your parents’ sans kids very often. Once grandkids are born, they steal the show.

I remember being so excited for the show. Trying to take it all in, savoring the choreography and absorbing the lyrics. Tearing up when their son died and again when Hamilton died. I sympathized but I didn’t have the knowledge to fully empathize.

Fast forward to 2022.

Part of the reason I became a season member for the Broadway tour of shows coming through town was because Hamilton was coming back. I decided I would take the boys to this show. On one hand I wasn’t sure how much they would enjoy it, on the other how can you appreciate something you’ve never seen? They are not exposed to the arts much while playing Fortnite. I told the boys this was going to be an early Mother’s Day present, I wanted to spend a nice evening with them with minimal complaints.

I made them shower, wear shirts with collars, and nice shoes. We went out to a nice dinner where the cost of their dessert was almost as much as their kids’ meals. They were fully onboard for that part! As expected, they didn’t all love Hamilton as much as the chocolate. My oldest fully enjoyed the show. The younger two tolerated it but probably won’t be begging to return anytime soon.

I had somehow forgotten that the Hamilton’s son dies. Once again, I start tearing up watching Eliza and Alexander react to his death. I know what’s coming next. Alexander accepts a duel and Eliza is now left a widow. Eliza sings, “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story” and it hits different this time. She sings about picking herself back up and doing work she’s proud of over the next 50 years of her life. How even 50 more years isn’t enough time while still not being able to wait to see Alexander again. I feel that to my core. But for now, I have things to do here. Maybe in 50 years when I’m in 90’s, my work here will be done. I hope beyond all measure that I get to see Tony again when my time here is over.