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A Life Unfinished …

Posted on: February 8, 2019 | Posted by: Kelley Lynn

It hangs in mid-air,

swaying through the trees,

like an echo,

sometimes,

and other times,

like a scream. 

That life unfinished, 

the one we didn’t get to have,

because you died. 

It lingers there, 

in the breeze,

like a hundred-thousand question marks,

and never any answer. 

That life unfinished haunts me sometimes. 

I wish I had a book I could read,

that told the rest of our story. 

What would have happened,

had you not died. 

All the things, 

the many things,

that remain,

as part our future,

now only in my mind. 

It messes with me,

sometimes. 

That life. 

 

What would our home have looked like?

Would we have moved to New York, like we talked about?

Or would we have had the family we smiled and laughed about,

while lying in bed, holding hands, 

dreaming of the future. 

Would we have been pregnant?

Maybe that wouldnt have worked out,

at my age, 

maybe it would have been difficult,

or not possible. 

I dont know. 

Maybe we would have adopted, 

the way you wanted to, 

the way you talked about helping out a kid,

who needed us. 

Would we have grown old together?

Yes. 

I like to think so. 

I like to think that if you had lived

we would have been together forever,

until we got very old, 

and then maybe we could be one of those couples

that I am so jealous of,

who die only weeks or days or hours 

apart, 

because their connection is that vital, 

and they simply cannot go on,

without the other. 

 

But that’s not what happened. 

No.

You died.

And I died. 

Except I had to keep on living. 

And that,

was by far,

the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Figuring out this world,

without you in it. 

It’s hard. 

Really impossibly hard.

And even though I have found my joy again,

and I am beginning 

my next great love story, 

ours never finished, 

and I carry that wonder

and that cloudy horizon

with me,

in a jar that is my heart. 

 

And when I miss you, 

I try to imagine pieces 

of that life,

and what it might look like now. 

 

Does it help?

Sometimes. 

Not always. 

But it makes me smile,

to think of us being content and old,

still holding hands,

as we walk down the street. 

It makes me feel satisfied,

to put together the rest of our puzzle,

even if its only in my imagination. 

 

For my dreams and images,

are so much more peaceful to live with, 

than the haunting,

of a life unfinished. 

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly

About Kelley Lynn

Kelley Lynn is a comedian, actor, TED talk speaker, and author of "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: the brutally awful, hilarious truth about life, love, grief, and loss." Kelley was widowed at age 39 when her beautiful husband Don left for work one morning and never came home. (sudden heart attack.) Since then, it has been her mission to change the conversations we have surrounding grief and death, and to help those who are sitting in the dark, to find some light again. Kelley is a proud kitty mom to Sammy and Autumn, the 2 rescues that she and Don adopted together. In 2017, Kelley met her next great love story, Nick. They married on New Year's Eve 2020 in a FB LIVE ceremony, and are loving their new home in Westminster, MA.

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