Raise your hand if you’re flat out exhausted and breathless and searching for words to describe the world right now.
Our country right now.
Your life right now.
Zoned to the bone…that’s me these days.
Covid-19 almost seems a dinosaur now, in the space of a week, having been taken over by the horror this week.
The ‘rona would, we thought, be followed by the dreaded murder hornets.
Shit, they didn’t even get a glance, other than amusing us with the possibility.
I saw a meme a few days ago, wondering about the murder hornets, and it said “Nah. Murder hornets were just a filler chapter”…
Just as we were figuring out how to go back out into the world, all hell broke loose again and now it feels like the ‘rona exists in the same confusing time continuum where my husband’s death lives.
I remember well the overwhelming rage and helplessness I felt two months after Chuck died, as I went into the bathroom and hacked violently at my hair with scissors, and then took a razor to what remained after the scissors. Rage. Grief. My body couldn’t sustain that level of emotions and it cried for release. Breathing in a meditative trance wouldn’t be enough. Exercising wouldn’t even begin to exorcise the well of hurricane strength emotions roiling within my body and heart and soul.
So I hacked at my hair and for the first time gained a bit of understanding as to why people cut themselves; I felt just the tiniest bit of relief as I stared at my bald head in the mirror.
To a minute degree I comprehend the level of rage streaming through the hearts of so many, now, as they hit the streets in protest. The exhaustion, the frustration, the trauma…
How does anyone even begin to process that?
Life in the age of absolute and complete chaos.
JesusMaryandJoseph…