I lost my husband 15 years ago.

I lost my husband 8 weeks ago.

Yes, both of those statements are true. Twice widowed. Not something most of us would choose willingly, is it?  But I did.

I was quite vocal about never dating after Vern died. I wrote about it in my blog, I shared it within my widowed community and I truly believed I would be alone the rest of my life. And I was ok with that.

Until – eight years later – I wasn’t.

When I married Jim, I really didn’t think about the fact that I was putting myself on that potential path. And yet here I am.

Is this second time worse? I don’t think it’s possible to compare. And perhaps we shouldn’t even try. I loved both of these amazing men and losing them has changed my life in so many ways.

I was 18 when I married Vern and 59 when he died. We had a long, lovely marriage. I was worried about living alone for the first time in my life. I felt lost, so I started writing a blog to get those feelings out. I was working and I volunteered so I was surrounded by people/friends. I tried some new things and kept busy. I survived. I still missed Vern every single day, but I was able to create a new life that felt like I was honoring him while also giving me some unexpected joy.

I was 67 when I met Jim and 74 when he died. We filled that first year with all sorts of travel and fun. Then the Covid year(s) arrived and it showed us we could survive being together 24/7 so we got married in our backyard. When Jim became ill I stopped doing most of those things that had filled me during my alone years. I did that willingly … to spend time with him and to care for him. We only had seven years together and I miss him and the life we didn’t get to finish together.

Now I’m 74 and retired, and life is so much quieter. The me I am now is in that final stage of my life and everything feels different. Being the ‘second wife’ has also added some not so good issues to carry alongside my grief. It’s only been 8 weeks so I’m giving myself some grace for now. I know I can still find some activities that will fill my soul and also help me to honor both of these men. Writing here is a start.

I’m honored to be a new writer here in Widow’s Voice and hope you’ll find some support, inspiration and possible new paths for your widow journey in my words.